Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The Goal: Watch and Review All Of Tantantino's Grindhouse Top 20

I would like to take a moment to thank those Figures of Greatness over at the Duece:Grindhouse Cinema Database. Besides being one of the greatest websites in the world of cult cinema, they are responsible for one of my newest and possibly most ambitious blogging goals to date. Yesterday the fine folks over at the Duece thought it would be a great idea to tweet Quentin Tatantino's list of his top 20 Grindhouse movies, one by one.

They aren't the only ones who thought it was a great idea.

Upon seeing this Holy Grail of Lists, I decided that it was part of my calling in life, besides being a amoral drunkard, to use this list to my advantage. I am going to watch and review every movie on this list, in no particular order. Thankfully, I've watched a couple, and maybe wrote a bit about them, so it should make my task that much easier. I don't know how long it will take me, but I will make sure I place a special marker in the title of each review to let all the little people in the blogosphere(myself included) when that days writings are going to be of the "special" variety.

I present you the list, as bestowed upon the rest of the world yesterday by our Grindhouse Gods over at The Deuce.

Quentin Tarantino's Official Top 20 Grindhouse Movies

1. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
2. Dawn of the Dead
3. Night of the Living Dead
4. Halloween
5. Coffy
6. Rolling Thunder
7. Five Fingers of Death
8. The Mack
9. The Girl From Starship Venus
10. The Last House On The Left
11. Master of the Flying Guillotine(OST review)
12. Wipeout
13. The Streetfighter movies ("You just have to kinda consider all three of them together." - QT)(II)
14. The Psychic
15. The Lady in Red
16. Thriller: A Cruel Picture
17. Suspiria
18. Hammer of the Gods
19. The Savage Seven
20. The Pom Pom Girls

Monday, December 14, 2009

Behold..the Massacrator trailer

While stuffing my face during my lunch break, I encountered a trailer over at Twitch(a site that gets much viewing time from many of us)that looked like a mouthful of awesome...The Massacrator.

I love the Terminator a bit more than I love Elvis, and seeing the two go head-to-head might be just as fun as watching Freddy Vs. Jason drunk. It's not the concept as much as the filming style that caught my attention. There is just something about grindhouse pops-and-tears mixed with stop motion animation that draw me to a film based on such a silly concept. I just don't see how such a beautiful idea could suck, and apparently I'm not the only one. The Massacrator will apparently be appearing at Slamdance 2010, and we all know those guys programming big festivals like Slamdance must know what the fuck they are talking about.

Like Levar Burton, don't take my word for it, but the trailer looks pretty fuckin' sweet.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Big Screen Big Apple:The Dark Crystal Tomorrow Night at 92Y Tribeca

When I was a child growing up in the 70's and 80's, nothing put a smile on my face like Jim Henson's Muppets. From Sesame Street as a wee child, to the Muppet Show when I was old enough to stay up for prime-time programming, it was all fun and laughs to me. That was until 1982 when I first saw the Dark Crystal in theaters and realized that some muppets could scare the living shit out of me. Of course I'm talking about the vulture-like Skeksis, along with a myriad of otherwordly Henson creations that change the face of the puppet industry. Thankfully I can relive my childhood fear tomorrow night at 92Y Tribeca. We'll see if the Skeksis still make my skin crawl.

IMDB says:"Another planet, another time. 1000 years ago the mysterious Dark Crystal was damaged by one of the Urskeks and an age of chaos has began! The evil race of grotesque birdlike lizards the Skeksis, gnomish dragons who rule their fantastic planet with an iron claw. Meanwhile the orphan Jen, raised in solitude by a race of the peace-loving wizards called the Mystics, embarks on a quest to find the missing shard of the Dark Crystal which gives the Skesis their power and restore the balance of the universe. Written by Anthony Pereyra {hypersonic91@yahoo.com}"

The Dark Crystal(1982)(Jim Henson)
Saturday December 12th, 10 PM
92Y Tribeca 200 Hudson Street

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

True King Will See The Light Of Day

About a month ago, I brought to light the story of two men, who happened to be really good friends of mine, with a dream to make a movie. Bife Productions set out to make a documentary about the more-human-than-human Steve Hawkes, but it order to finish said doc, they were going to need some help. Well ,thanks to the help of the outside world, True King is going to see the light of day!!

Tim and Peter were able to raise more than enough to complete the post-production, a great deal within the couple hours of the Kickstarter due date. I just want to give my sincere congratulations to the team over at Bife Productions. They worked long and hard, traveling thousands of miles and spending most of the production costs out of there own pocket. I would also like to thank all of there supporters who understand that this movie needs to be made. I'm dying to see it hit the festival circuit, and it will hopefully makes it way to NYC within the coming year.

Awesome job, guys! I hope this gives you faith to make more movies.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Big Screen Big Apple: Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster Meets MoMA Tomorrow Night

Even in a city as large as NYC, it's not very often that we get to a chance to see a classic piece of Grade-B sci-fi on the big screen like 1965's Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster. In fact, it's almost criminal that New Yorkers don't have a places to see quality cinema like Austin and LA does. Thankfully MoMA cares enough about us to add classic cheese such as this to their Nuts and Bolts showcase this month.

IMDB says:"When an atomic war on Mars destroys the planet's women, it's up to Martian Princess Marcuzan and her right-hand man Dr. Nadir to travel to earth and kidnap women for new breeding stock. Landing in Puerto Rico, they shoot down a NASA space capsule manned by an android. With his electronic brain damaged, the android terrorizes the island while the Martians raid beaches and pool parties. Written by Jeremy Lunt"

Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster(IMDB)
Saturday November 28th 1:30 PM, 11 W 53rd St

Sunday, November 22, 2009

An Independent, Modern Giallo: Black Aria

High Fives are owed to the fine folks over at the Giallo Fever blog for recently bringing to my attention new of Black Aria, a French-made homage to the giallo genre. From what I can tell reading a Babelfish translated review here, Black Aria consists of 3 sexy-and-violent mysteries rolled into one blood-soaked feature length.

Thankfully, a teaser trailer exists to entice the likes of a trash cinema fan such as myself. It may look like it was filmed on a short budget, but the special effects seem to be the bees knees(did I just say that?). Hopefully I can get a chance to see this modern throwback before it gets picked up or falls of the map. I'm hoping, of course, for the former rather than the latter.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Big Screen Big Apple:Tonight's Line-up NYC Horror Film Festival

Unfortunately I missed posting the first two days of the Festival because I am can't be completely aware of everything that goes on in NYC. If I was, I would probably get paid to do what I do. Regardless, the NYC Horror Film Festival is going to be haunting Tribeca for the rest of the weekend and it would be within everyone of you ghoul's interest to check it out.

Program 2 Friday November 20th at 7:30

Sweatshop:"Charlie has made a name for herself and her electronica parties – and the plans for tonight’s rave are her most extreme yet. On the edge of the city is an enormous vacant factory… and now, she and her friends have just over an hour to set up for an explosive rager without getting caught. The problem is, they already are. Her oversexed friends throw back a few drinks and begin setting up, unaware that they are being watched by something sinister lurking within the dark building’s endless corridors. With their attention quickly drifting away from the party and onto each other’s bodies, they begin to disappear into the night. With the music already blaring, no one can hear their frenzied cries of passion – and terror. Little do they realize, a beastly all-seeing presence resides in this enormous place, and it drags a mammoth, inhuman weapon that serves only one purpose: to end the lives of anyone who trespasses here. Charlie hoped tonight’s party would be the best she’d ever thrown. And now, it looks like it will be her last."

Attackazoids, Deploy!!: The making of Attackazoids,Deploy!!

Sinkhole:"A salesman approaches a mysterious landowner with an offer to buy the man's smoldering abandoned coal mines but finds that there is something far worse than a mine fire underneath the land."

Wheels of Death:"With her parents out of town, Wendy decides to take daddy’s car for a ride. Unfortunately, she hits a policeman on a bicycle along the way. Back home safe, Wendy fabricates a story that might exonerate her, but there’s one problem, she didn’t come home alone..."


Death in Charge: I have personally seen Death In Charge at Royal Flush Festival this year and it was a great deal of fun packed into a short film. Have you ever wondered what the day to day life of the Grim Reaper was like?

Program 3 Friday November 20th at 10:30

The Revenant:"Officer First Class Bart Gregory is killed while fighting in Middle East. His body is shipped back to the United States and laid to rest, but before the lid can be put on his tomb, Bart inexplicably awakens in his coffin and climbs from his grave; confused, horrified--a moldy, putrefying living corpse--a Revenant. Bart desperately enlists the help of his best friend, Joey Leubner, in an attempt to ease his nausea and agony. Joey is shocked--and disgusted--by his putrescent pal’s return, but he rises to the occasion and tries to find a solution. When a panicked emergency room forces the confused corpse to flee, the two friends discover that there is only one cure for Bart's condition: Human blood. In their quest to keep Bart from decomposing Bart and Joey stumble into a solution—a way to obtain blood without taking innocent lives, becoming "The Vigilante Gun-Slingers”. But as their macabre crusade continues, they become entwined in an ever escalating cycle of violence and mayhem . . . all while cruising in a 1979 Camaro."

Elder Sign


Abraham's Boys

Langliena:"A young man discovers a bloody and horrible secret in a shack in the woods."

Sounds like a pretty exciting night to me.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Big Screen Big Apple:Tim Burton Retrospect 2nd Night at MoMA with BeetleJuice

MoMA kicks off it's second night of celebration with director Tim Burton by screening is ghostly, yet hysterical, dark comedy Beetlejuice, starring Winona Ryder as a dramatically depressed teenager that gave every young darkstar spank material for years to come....mmmmm......Oh yeah, it also stars Michael Keaton as the entertaining yet painfully annoying spook Beetlejuice, who is hired by a boring ghost couple(Alec Baldwin and Geena Davis) to scare the current tennants out of their dream home.

IMDB says:"This is the story of Adam and Barbara who live in a beautiful house in New England. One day while driving home they are involved in a terrible auto accident. They manage to walk home only to discover later that they have died and now haunt their house. When their house is purchased by an out of state family, they feel their home is threatened by the over-the-top artists wife and real-estate idea-man husband. Their only relief is the Gothic daughter of the family. Their attempts at scaring the family out of the house are ignored or laughed at. Finally they fall to the temptation to use the people-exorcizer Beetle Juice. When they find his tactics too dangerous, they attempt to contain him and save the family they were trying to boot. Written by FMJ_Joker"

November 19th at 8pm,MoMA 11 W 53rd ST moma.org

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Big Screen Big Apple:Tim Burton Introduces Pee-Wee's Big Adventure Tonight at MoMA.

That's right, kids. Everybody's favorite dark director is going to be at the Museum of Modern Art tonight to introduce is playfully creepy 1985 classic Pee-Wee's Big Adventure starring the Master(bator) of Manboy, Paul Reubens.

IMDB says:"The love of Pee-wee Herman's life is his bicycle. When it is stolen, he is send on a wild cross country adventure after a fortune teller tells him his bicycle is in the basement of the Alamo. Along the way, Pee-wee encounters an escaped convict, a waitress with wanderlust and a jealous boyfriend, and a mysterious female truck driver. Written by Ray Hamel {hamel@primate.wisc.edu}"

This will be the opening night for a Tim Burton Showcase MoMA is presenting. So if the idea of an overgrown boy and his bike don't excite you, try checking out any of th other Burton classics showing now tonight through the 23rd/

Pee=Wee's Big Adventure(1985)(IMDB)
November 18th at 8pm,MoMA 11 W 53rd ST moma.org

Monday, November 16, 2009

Mr Majestyk (1974)

I'm kind of embarrassed to admit that I don't know a great deal about Charles Bronson. I know that this is grounds for a violent stoning to some of those in the genre-movie community, but the truth is until recently I had no interest in action movies that didn't have aliens, monster,kung-fu or ninjas. Sure, I have always had a love for Rambo and Schwarzenegger, but my interest in extreme gun violence and explosions didn't come until recently. Mostly because I have recently discovered my love for 70's cinema, especially when it has car chases and explosions. Since I have a bit of a hard on for the 70's at this point, it wasn't going to be long before I started to Bronson out.

When most people think of Bronson, the first thing that comes to mind is "Death Wish". I have the same problem (if it really is one), so I wanted to start with something different but similar. With a little research, I soon decided Mr. Majestyk would be the way to go.

In this 1974 goldmine of awesome, Bronson plays Majestyk, a soft spoken, vet who is looking to get as many melons out of his 160 acres. Unfortunately, Majestyk has fairly shaky history with luck and the law even though he just wants to be left alone. When a couple of 2-bit hustlers try to force Majestyk to use there labor force, made up entirely of drunks and bums, things get ugly. Little do these wannabe toughguys know that Majestyk is not the man to be fucked with. After getting their asses handed to them, our criminal crybabies run to the cops with a different story causing the arrest of Majestyk, and this is where the story really starts.

While locked behind bar, far from his melons, Majestyk run into, Frank Renda,a renowned hitman with a moustache to match his attitude. After a failed breakout attempt by Renda's mafia associates during a prisoner transport run, Majestyk is left with Renda in his care. He is given two choices, free the Big Time Mafioso and receive a reward, or pay the consequences. With Majestyk choosing the latter, and a failed attempt to bring Renda back to jail, he now has a vendetta on his head the size of Colorado.

Mr. Majestyk broke my Bronson-cherry in the best possible way....fast and explosive, and this is how the movie played out. I was never bored for a minute. There was a kicking in the first 10 minutes, explosions and shoot-outs within 20, and vengeance within 30. How can one ever be bored?

With so much excitement in the first half hour, you better believe that the remaining hour makes what are referred to as modern "action" movies look like flying kites on a Sunday. Movies like this make me think that back in the day, every moustache-wearing motherfucker rocking a Canadian tuxedo knew kung-fu and carried a machine gun AT ALL TIMES. Who cares how ineffective the gun is, the point is how bad ass is makes you.

Mr.Majestyk didn't have the largest body count, but some of the kills were quite awesome. For example, Almost Death By Port-O-Potty. At one point, a lone cop ducks into the local shitbox to pinch a loaf. Little did he know that would be his last offering to the Porcelain, or should I say plastic, Goddess. But it wasn't the large, steel vehicle plowing into his relief closet that got the best of him, that would be the short end of a 2x4 to the face. Fuckin' Brutal!!!

This amazing feat in man-film isn't all facial hair and car explosions. Mr. Majestyk also touches upon serious socio-political issues that even 35 years later, haven't been resolved:migrant farm work. In fact, I dare say in this day and age the issues surrounding immigration from Central America have probably gotten worse. MM doesn't really tell us whether the migrant Mexican workers were illegal or not, which is the excuse top cover up blind xenophobia and racism in this day and age. In the movie, the issue is just straight up racism toward Mexicans and hatred towards anyone that would hire them over local white drunks. These are the reasons Majestyk has to kick the asses that land him in jail. He, like many of us with reasonable views on immigration, sees how much the Mexicans value a hard days work, unlike the lazy, white bums who spend so much time complaining about brown people taking there jobs. I'll sop there before it ends up in an anti-right rant. This is a cinema blog, not the Huffington Post.

For years I denied myself the pop culture of 30 years ago by not subjecting myself to anything that wasn't contemporary. Even though I fondly remember the last 3 years of the decade, and what came out of it, as I got older I wanted nothing to do with one of the the best decades in cinema.

Man was I a stupid fucking kid!!!

This movie has given me the drive I should have had years ago to make Bronson movies a priority in life. It's kind of like a lost soul finding God. Since I've watched Mr. Majestyk, I feel like I'm in the beginning stages of filling a void in my heart the always should have been there.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Eurocrime! cinema documentary trailer

Big ups to Cinebeats and Impossible Funky for providing me,and the rest of the twitterverse, with some hope for the future in documentary releases. This is the feature length doc I've been waiting for since the first time I watched Henry Silva fire a gun in Rome. With interviews from some of the heaviest hitters in Eurocrime(Nero,Silva,Williamson, and Castellari just to name a few) I can already tell that this is going to be a project hitting the Festival circuit with the force of a Fiat explosion. I don't want to forget to mention an original score provided by Calibro 35.

But....in order for your sweatiest, Mediterranean wishes to be fulfilled, the filmmakers are going to need your help. Unfortunately, righteously awesome film clips cost money. For a donation of as little as 5 bucks, you can get some pretty sweet gifts just for participating in the finishing up of this amazing project. So if your interested, and I know you are, check out the Eurocrime!! Kickstarter site to help make this project.

If your interested in promoting the Eurocrime! project on your own blog or site of that nature, you can pick up a fancy, little Kickstarter widget here like I did. Even if you don't have the money to donate(my current predicament).the least you could do is promote it. Every little bit helps, so do what you can.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Big Screen Big Apple:Terminator 2 Tomorrow afternoon at MoMA

Schwarzenegger's action-tastic 1991 follow-up to his 80's cult classic, The Terminator will be showing tomorrow afternoon as part of MoMA's Nuts and Bolts: Machine Made Man in Films from the Collection. So if you find yourself bored in Manhattan on a Saturday afternoon(does that actually happen?, think about heading up to Midtown for some classic androids-with-awesome-one-liners action.

IMDB says: "In 1994, a cyborg (Arnold Schwarzenegger) is sent back in time to protect John Connor (Edward Furlong), the future leader of humanity in a 21st century war against machines. A competing machine (Robert Patrick), the T-1000, is sent back to kill John. With the aid of John's mother Sarah (Linda Hamilton), the cyborg manages to destroy the T-1000 at a confrontation at a steel mill. However, the cyborg must then destroy itself in order to eliminate its chance of being used to help fuel the future war with the machines. Sarah helps the cyborg destroy itself, but not before the cyborg consoles John, quietly assuring him that everything will be okay. Sarah then notes that if a machine can learn the value of human life, perhaps people can, too."(I'm sure I didn't need to waste the space on that synopsis, but just in case.....)

Terminator 2: Judgment Day(1991, James Cameron)(IMDB)

November 14th at 1:30 PM @ MoMA 11 W.53rd St

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Big Screen Big Apple:Goonies at Midnight Tomorrow

Do I really have to give any of you assholes a synopsis of one the best movie to come out of 1985, possibly the 80's altogether? If the name "Fratelli" doesn't ring a bell, or the screaming of "Hey Yooouuu Guy-uuuyyys!" bring a smile to your face, Your probably elderly or braindead. Regardless, even if you have seen it a million times, it's still going to just as fun seeing it once more tomorrow and Saturday night at the Sunshine Landmark Theater

Goonies(1985)Directed by Richard Donner (IMDB)

November 13th and 14th at Midnight, Sunshine Theater 143 E Houston St

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Count Orlok in 3-D at Tribeca

Yesterday I was listening to the most excellent Cinemaslave podcast #116 and discovered some even more excellent news: The Murnau classic Nosferatu has been re-edited for 3-D!! Keith Carter, the director/animator and man responsible for this herculean effort, was able to dissect an original print of the movie and , through modern animation techniques, put forth a re-imagining unlike anything done.

The best part about this story is I'm going to be able to see it next week ,on the Big Screen at the NYC Horror Film Festival. New York, get your 3-D glasses ready, because Nosferatu:Orlock the Vampire in 3-D will be showing Saturday, November 21st, 1 PM, at the Tribeca Cinemas(54 Varick St., New York, NY 10013).

For a great interview with the director, follow the link here.
Time for some trailer action...

Sunday, November 8, 2009


I'm a huge fan of low budget movies if you couldn't already tell. I would say that the majority of the films I've reviewed don't even come close to having a budget of 1 mil. Most of them are probably made for less than 100 grand. I do have standards and try to steer clear of no budget cinema though. There are some Troma flicks that I won't touch or have had to shut off within minutes of hitting the play button. I do have some taste, despite what you may have read. I recently discovered a movie with a budget so low it scared the shit out of me. Less than 100 bucks! How can anything worthy of a public viewing be made for under 100 bucks? It made me curious to see what kind of movie could be made for less than the price of my bar tab on a bad night. Not only was it made on shoestring budget, it also showed at Cannes. After finding this out there was no doubt in my mind I had to track down Colin(2008), even though I have almost reached the point of saying goodbye to zombie movies for good, I had to watch it.

Colin is the story of one young man's struggle with the loss of his own humanity. The movie starts with our name character discovering, in shock, that he has has some type of wound inflicted upon him. This is quickly followed by an attack of the undead variety, in which Colin comes out victorious, even though said victory is worth very little. You see, we quickly learn that Colin has been infected, and slowly begins the process of kissing life as he knows, goodbye. not that it really mattrs much , considering that London is currently going through a zombie apocalypse. As Colin begins his slow-moving voyage through the dead-infested streets of London, we start to see the metamorphosis from life to (un)death. The whole time seeing, despite the flesh eating, robbing of his shoes, and a run-in with his sister, there are still aspects of Colin's humanity that he is trying to hold onto.

The fading humanity is theme that kept my interest the most. Sure, empathizing with the undead has been done before (I heart Bub), but never have I seen a movie that follows the poor little zombie boy down the path of the damned, like this one does. In movies like Land of the Dead and Day of the Dead the poor, wittle flesheaters are secondary characters, and nothing but. Colin provides us with a first-person perspective on how much it sucks to be a zombie. It's a life constant starvation, shambling, and fighting for your food while under the constant threat of angry, human hordes. Doesn't sound like any life I would pay to have.

I read a couple of reviews over at IMDB(my best friend) from viewers who didn't think as highly of Colin as I did. Complaints about the camerawork, the acting, and comparisons to a student film. No shit, Sherlock!! This movie was made for less than 100 bucks, what do you expect? Yes, shaky cam is an annoying technique, but it was used to incite anxiety and wasn't used too much. As far as the acting was concerned, you don't need to be a fuckin' thespian to groan and shamble. This is flesh-eating, not a Shakespeare production. The actors were all volunteers and most under the age of 21, so it of course wreaked of student film. It damn well could have been a student film, but I don't give a shit. It was a damn good time and I will watch it over and over, and probably tell others about it.

Enough ranting, I think this is a must see for any fan of the horror genre. Lack of quality camera equipment was compensated for with quality digital filters and decent editing. The special effects were realistic and never lacking, and the soundtrack was creepy and kept the film intense. I wish the director well and can't wait to view future endeavors. I'll gladly give him 90 minutes of my time in the future.

Friday, November 6, 2009

The Vampire Diaries or better yet, Diarrhea

Last night, while lounging around waiting for dinner, I came across the broadcast atrocity known as the Vampire Diaries. I know many of you have seen at least one episode of the Undead One Tree Hill, so I'm going to keep this pretty brief. Besides, you've probably heard it all before. I didn't just stumble upon Diaries thinking,"Hey, this might be good". I was actually more of the mindset of," I know I'm going to hate this, but I might as well give it a test drive". Besides, it will give me something to bitch about, and we all need to vent about shallow shit during the cold months. It keeps our blood boiling and body temperature up.

I, like everybody else in the horror community, have just about had enough with the vampire overkill prevalent in pop culture today. Again, we have all heard it, but I'm going to give my two cents. The older I get, everything that I once held sacred starts to lose it's meaning. Whether it be music,cinema, or fashion, the pink, fluffy pop machine has co-opted it and churned out a much weaker, brain-dead clone of almost everything in this world that made me happy in my youth. Anyway, before this turns into an old man rant, lets focus on the bloodsuckers.

As far as watered-down vampire culture is concerned, it's not even the cry baby vamps that bother me so much. I watch and like True Blood immensely. Even though Bill's a pussy, I'm still there for Erik. Even though i prefer my fanged folk to be barbaric, nosferatu, i can settle with the whiners, especially if they have opposition. What really bothers me are the daywalkers.

There are reasons vampires have weakness' like wooden stakes, silver, and sunlight. Because if they didn't, humanity as a whole would play slave race to Undead Godkind. Trust me, if vampires didn't burn up upon the touch of our friend, The Sun, they wouldn't be mopey,pale skinned whiners with a penchant for human girls. No, my friend, I guarantee their psychology, or lack there of, would change accordingly. I'm sure they would be worrying less about love and more about playing living-flesh chess.

This is one of the reasons why the idea of the daywalker bothers me. I'll go into more in depth one day, but I've given you a basic idea why I hate shows like Diaries and Twilight. Even if the vampires in Diaries weren't daywalkers, I'm sure I could find a million more reasons why the show sucks balls. As I said earlier though, if your reading this I'm just preaching to the choir.

Looks like I'll stick with Medium and a plethora of sitcoms for my primetime entertainment. I now know for a fact I won't be watching that Vampire Diarrhea's in the future.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Give Me An Extended Vacation To Midian

Question: Do I want to see an extended director's cut of one of my favorite Clive Barker horrors? I of course am speaking of Nightbreed, one of my fondest cinematic memories as a teenager. The answer would, of course, be "yes" with a capital Y.

I'm sure many horror fans out their feel the same way I do, if not all the horror fans in the world. But apparently, Morgan Creek, the company that owns the rights to Nightbreed don't really think so. In fact, there is a 159 minute cut in existence that might never see the black of night, and that's just wrong. From what I understand after listening to the latest Outside the Cinema podcast, Barker would even agree to do a director's cut if the extended version were to be released.

So what can we do to make this happen? I don't know if it's a fruitless effort or not, but the first step would be to join the letter writing campaign to Morgan Creek. Hopefully, if they hear enough of an outcry they will reconsider their decision to release one of the most visually-stimulating horror movies from it's era. I could definitely use an extra few minutes of Peloquin action, and I'm sure the rest of you sickos out there could too.

So write some letters, and lets make this happen. Try to be nice though. Remember, straight-laced, corporate probably don't respond well to hordes of angry nerds.

To contact Morgan Creek:


And to show your support for the effort by Clive's compatriots:


Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Running on Empty(1982)

I’m not much of a fan of stand alone flavor. Not that I hate mono-taste, I just don’t believe most foods work well by themselves.Can you imagine eating broccoli without butter or salt? Sure, vanilla ice cream is good, but the taste flies off the map when chocolate of any type is added? From curry to French cuisine, everybody can agree that food is always better paired with other tastes, and if you don’t agree, then you are probably the Emperor of the Land of Boring and feel sorry for you.

The same can’t always be said for film. Most Hollywood productions cater to a certain taste and don’t travel to far away from it.I myself am guilty of the same crime, as most of us are. Romantic comedies, modern, big-budget action, and chick flicks are all the same to me, but I will watch horror time-and-time again no matter how many times I’ve seen decapitations and blood sprays. Some might consider it boring and flavorless. FSM knows I do a great deal of the time, but this is how most people’s taste towards movies tend to veer.

You might ask yourself, ”Where the fuck are you going with this food and movie comparison?”

And my answer to you will be Running on Empty, a 1982 Ozploitation phenomenon that left me with a flavor explosion in my pants. I’m not going to say it was the best movie I have ever seen, but it certainly had a great deal of fun going on. If you think that a JD flick with a New Wave twist sounds interesting, then keep reading on my friend.

Mike is a factory worker with a fast car and a model girlfriend. After long days in the shop he likes to spend his days working on cars with his Italian best friend, Tony, and hanging out with his model girlfriend,Julie. Julie used to date Fox, the local Hot Rod King Douchebag, and he is none too happy about her picking Mike over himself. After a skirmish with Fox on the beach, Mike agrees to race him for money and loses, which causes a pretty severe ego bruising. After some taunting from Fox, Mike agrees to race Fox again, this time with the stakes being doubled. Unfortunately, Mike doesn't have the money, but he has a plan. He figures if he road trips in the country he might be able to raise the funds racing hicks and winning. See Mike has a fairly big ego for a city boy and doesn't realize that the country folk might be a bit more car-oriented than he prides himself on. After an unfortunate altercation with the local color, Mike realizes that his big plan might not have been the best idea. Fortunately, he and his posse are taken under the wing of and old, blind greaser and his plans for living at the top of his hot-rod game once again blossom when the old rockabilly helps Mike jack up his car to an even better state just in time for the next big cock race against the supremely creepy Fox.

Unfortunately, things don't go quite as planned and life plans don't follow Mike's dream storyboard. But he still has his honor and ego, which apparently is all a man needs in 80's Australia.

I've just got to say I think this flicked kick ass. I know nothing about cars and gearhead culture(I've never even owned a driver's license), but classic race movies like this are always fun. I may not know the operation but I understand the capability. I am, anyhow, a fan of aussie movies from this era. Great stunts, explosions, and sex. There really isn't much more to say about that. Yes, there are lots of bad movies to come out of Australia during that time, but I will still sit back and laugh at the ridiculous situations that come out of said movies. Everybody can get a chuckle out of cars that explode on impact and the willingness of the director to cater to the ego of the American male audience. If you love 70's and 80's action movies, where the male super-ego shines like a supergiant star, this is where it's at. Not to mention that the main characters provide so much entertainment as to make the movie abundant in the personality department.

I thought of the characters in this flick as an Australian government experiment in cloning the Stray Cats, but with that crazy Aussie persona. It was very New Wave era, but with less hair net and more rockabilly. The cars were fuckin' classic and the fashion was a perfect blend of Teddy Boy and glam punk. Seeing the old, blind greaser dance to a rockabilly tune, with his road hard betty put a huge grin on my face and I would have been even more satisfied if this was the soundtrack. Fortunately, I am a huge fan of synth OST, and the soundtrack was mainly this. For me, it was the best of both worlds, those being 80's synth and roots rock. The soundtrack keeps the movie interesting, in that 80's mixed with 50's JD sort of way.

Although, from what I read on IMDB, this is the quintessential Aussie Hot Rod-head movie. Most likely for the race sequences. This wasn't the crowning acheivement for me, as I have already let known. Not only was the story durable for the action crowd, but some of the comedy was spot on for those of us who look for that in a flick. For example:

"Whats ya name?"

"Piss off!"

"Piss off? What type of a name is that?"

"Its polish. Pissov's a Polish name!"

Comic genius as far as I'm concerned for a movie of this caliber.

As far as the negative is concerned, I must admit the acting wasn't great and some of the stunts were ridiculous, but i expect that out of ozploitation. It was slow at points, but the action scenes and character acting pulled it out of any slum. The fact is if you are a fan of the genre, love rockabilly culture and hot rod movies, this movie is for you. I've seen a great deal of bad shit out of the southern hemisphere and this is not one of those movies. This is something I can watch time and time again and still get the same thrill as the first time.

And here is the trailer:

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Luchador Posters and Refusal Process

Unlike the rest of the genre blogging community, I am not going to review any horror movies this week. Yes, it's true, I'm a nonconformist just like all my friends. It has nothing to do with hatred of the Halloween holiday or horror in general. I've actually been watching horror movies non-stop for close to a week. I just feel like doing something a little bit different but still within the spirit. You see, for the last 2 Halloweens I have donned a luchador mask. Luchadors aren't very scary, but I love them and they live in their costumes, and I tend to spend a bit more blogspace than most people on the subject.

While looking over Wrong Side of the Art today during my lunch, as I usually do, I came across this lovely poster from the luchador movie The Rose on the Ring(Una rosa sobre el ring,1973,Mexico)a movie I picked up for 5 bucks a couple years back, and even though it has no subtitles, enjoyed watching it. What sets this flick apart from other Mil Mascaras movies is the way it plays out. Instead of cheesy monsters and glorious wrestling madness, this movie could be set to an opera without a problem. A cheesy opera mind you, but one none the less. I am always happy finding luchador posters on Wrong Side. It means it's just one more piece of awesome to post on my wall.

Ain't it Majestic?

Sunday, October 11, 2009

When friends make movies:True King-The Steve Hawkes Story

There are two kinds of people in my world: those who watch movies and those who make movies. I, like a lot of people I know, fit very nicely into the first category. In fact, not only do I watch movies, I try to step it up and write about the movies I watch. After watching 1000's of movies in my lifetime,there are certain elements each and every one of my cinematic delights that make that movie favorable to me. I use these favorable elements to analyze, form opinions, and apply this thought process to anything else I might watch in the future Over time, these thoughts and ideas of what makes a movie good enough might come together to form a cohesive storyline for what I would consider the perfect movie. If I then chose to put those ideas on paper, I might start the slow transition into becoming the other guy: the movie maker.

Chances are, that won't happen anytime soon, if at all.

Thankfully I know people who had the dream, and the drive to become the movie makers, and are in the process of making it happen. Unfortunately, making a movie is no simple task. It requires 100's of hours of work, whether it's filming or editing, and a fair amount of capital. That's right kids.....Capital. Very rarely, if at all, will a film maker see there ideas put to film without a sizable amount of cashflow.

This is the predicament my homeboys over at Bife Productions are currently in. Currently, Pete Barr and Tim Fife have completed the filming, created a teaser trailer, and I working around the clock trying to do whatever humanly possible to finish, True King:The Steve Hawkes Story. For them to truly reach the freshman filmer finish line, though, they need to raise $2000 by December 1st. 51 days to make a dream a reality. Thankfully, with the help of Kickstarter.com and your donation, as well as mine, I think this goal can be reached.

True King is a documentary about Steve Hawkes, former body builder and b-movie star, who after a horrific accident, left Hollywood for good and now runs a big cat sanctuary in Florida. Who in their right mind wouldn't be interested in learning about the exciting life of a former Tarzan? Besides, this movie has tiger cubs, and everybody loves tiger cubs. Big cats in cinema always make a movie that much more entertaining.

If that's not enough to get you interested, check out one of the trailers:

For more information about the movie and the ability to give your two-cents(literally)check out the True King Kickstarter site.

And to read and excellent article about the True King project, give the Seacoast Online article a looksee.

Let's make this happen!!!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Royal Flush Festival announces there Main Line-up for 2009!!

We at the Royal Flush Festival are pleased to announce are Main Line-Up for RFF 2009. Everything you are looking for in the realm of film, art, and music for the month of October. Even if you don't know what the fuck you want in life, let us help you.

Take a Sneak Peak of the Awesomeness behind this door!!!

That's not all, kids!!! Ticket links, more special events, and the FULL lineup of this year's selection of all programmed films will be available by September 1st, 2009.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Cinema-Site Highlight::Wrong Side of the Art

I spend a great deal of time on cinema-related websites. In fact, I would go as far to say that politics and current affairs mean less to me than what some random asshole, like myself, has to say about Laura Gemser. Truth be told, there are a lot of us assholes out there in the blogosphere. A minuscule amount compared to, say, the dime-a-dozen wetbrains that write about what ever garbage Hollywood churns out to Walking Thoughtless. B we genre-cinema fiends have a fairly cozy corner of the internet to get lost in for many hours at a time. I do it, and if you are reading this, you are probably just as guilty as me.

I've been meaning to highlight some of the blogs and other websites I spend most of my time with when I'm not losing my humanity on Facebook or Twitter. The optimum idea for said blogging-about-blog blog entry would be to highlight a site a week, but knowing the way I do things on CdT, I would be lucky do it once a month.

For this first Site Highlight, I present to you Wrong Side of the Art!

Wrong Side of the Art is what I consider the best online resource for exploitation/b-cinema poster art. Not only is the site updated more than once a day, everyday as far as I can tell, but the art posted is actually worth saving to your hard drive. Unlike many poster images scattered over the internet, the images on Wrong Side are sized to perfect printing size. I'm not quite sure how the webmaster has both the time and resources to update on such a regular basis, but kudos to them! Any place I can grab a Japanese Godzilla poster on the same page as a Funicello/Avalon Beach movie print is practically the closest thing I could get to Net Heaven. The biggest problem I've ran into with Wrong Side of the Art is the lack of space I have on the walls of my apartment.

So whether your into cinema, pop art, or both, Wrong Side of the Art is a great place to get lost for all those ours you don't care to spend with 140-characters. And if you would rather tweet than check out poster art you will never see anyplace else, you might want to try a 12-stewp program.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Quentin Tarantino's Top 20 Movies since 1992

During my lunch break at work, I like to take the time to check out the daily activity on my local Brooklyn blogs while I stuff my face full of shit people barely consider "food"(I love you cheese puffs!) I find this daily ritual to be relaxing and the blogs I read won't steal time from me like cinema-related blogs I typically read during my spare time. I value having a job, so I like to keep my feeding time quick, hence staying away from getting lost in my passion. Today, while getting my 10 minutes of Freewilliamsburg.com in before I started in on my sammich, I noticed this article, as short as it is, and the video to accompany it. I've spouted off time-and-time again on what side of the QT fence I exist in, so I was excited to hear what his top 20 movies have been since 1992, the year he started directing if I remember correctly.

I present you the list:

Battle Royale
Anything Else
Boogie Nights
Dazed & Confused
Fight Club
The Host
The Insider
Joint Security Area
Lost In Translation
The Matrix
Memories of Murder
Police Story 3
Shaun of the Dead
Team America

If you watch the video, you will notice that Tarantino states that these movies are his Top 20 IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER with the exception of Battle Royale, a position I don't necessarily disagree (I might own a T-shirt). While I admire the man's ability to come up with a cohesive list, a feat I don't think I could ever achieve, I must say I can't agree with some of his choices.

Speed?!? Come on, Quent? You may be one of the only people with a Sandra Bullock feature on a Top 20 List in existence. I will admit that I find the majority of the QT list favorable, a couple I wouldn't touch with a leper's dick.I'm also a bit of a fanboy, so you would probably find some of those slots taken up by movies of Tarantino's. While I may not agree with Friday, Blade, and Lost in Translation as anyone's best, I will admit to have quite the hard-on for Fight Club, Shaun of the Dead, and Unbreakable.

But enough of my wack-ass opinion, watch the video and decide for yourself if you find Tarantino's judgment lacking or not.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Let's try to Kickstart this again-Big Screen in the Big Apple 7/24

I'm going to try this again. A couple months ago I got this great idea to make weekly posts about cult movie going-ons in the Big Apple. I probably got one or two entries in before I either lost interest in the idea, or was at the bar on the day I should have been writing it. The last couple months have been hectic, as you've heard me bitch about time and time again, but I really can't complain. I am working the Programming Dept. for Royal Flush Festival, I have a girlfriend, and the current economic recession doesn't seem to have affected business at my day job. I guess my only concern is not being able to update this fucking thing as much as I would like.

So if I can't write reviews as much as I would like to, I might as well write about cinema happenings in NYC every week. I owe that to myself to keep busy. So here we go again....

Big Screen in the Big Apple 7/24

Deadgirl(2008) I have wanted to see the latest hype in undead entertainment since Goreboy reviewed it and Bryan at Cinema Suicide did a write up here. I can't recall the last time coming-of-age movies involved the living dead, but it sounds like an interesting concept.

Deadgirl will be showing on July 24th and 25th at midnight at the Sunshine Theater, 143 E Houston St between First and Second Ave.

More to come as the day moves on.....

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Return of the Street Fighter(1974)

The first time I watched the original Street Fighter, which wasn't really that long ago, I said to myself, "How the fuck did I pass up something QT suggested to me so long ago?" Being the fan of Hong Kong cinema that I am, I felt that I had committed a crime against humanity by not exposing myself to Sonny Chiba years ago. Not only did this movie have all the best elements of HK Kung-FU (action,revenge,ridiculousness,ect)it also had some of my most prized elements of exploitation cinema, like gore and a soundtrack that could put a blaxploitation piece to shame. From then on I have out after as many Sonny Chiba movies, even going all the way back to the Golden Bat. For some reason, I wanted to hold out on watching Return of the Street Fighter. I think, deep down ,I know that sequels hardly ever hold a candle to the original and I didn't want to have my image of Terry Tsurugi knocked down off the pedestal I put him on.

Well I finally watched it, and Tsurugi is still on the pedestal, but grappling by his fingers.

The plot is pretty close to the original and I can be summed up in under a paragraph. Terry gets hired for a job. Terry completes job flawlessly with maximum damage. Said contractors Terry to do another job. Terry refuses for moral reasons. Terry is pursued by said contractors aka mafia-fronted corporation. Terry almost dies, comes back with a vengeance, and kicks the living shit out of everyone. Fin.

It sounds like it could be as awesome as the original, but there were several points I would like to make as to why it wasn't.

1.Sidekick: During the original, we had the bumbling sidekick, who helped liven up the serious of Chiba's straight guy with comedic elements. It's unfortunate that character got killed, because he was far better than the hip, young female annoyance that played the part in this flick. Not only was she not funny, but whoever voiced the dub-over needs to have a fuckin' hole poke into her neck with a two-fingered death move. They should have brought back a new bumbling, fat man.

2.Flahbacks: If your going to give me arty, B+W flashbacks, keep them to a couple seconds here and there. There is really no reason to flashback entire action sequences from the first movie. At times, I felt it was going to get as bad as The Hills Have Eyes 2, which is one of the biggest atrocities in horror. If I wanted long flashbacks, I would drop a large some of money on a sheet of Purple Jesus, but I won't, so keep the flashbacks to a minimum.

3.Regurgitated Villains: Did they really need to bring back the criminal from the first movie? Seriously, if your throat gets ripped out by Sonny Chiba, you should be dead forever. No technological advancement can bring you back from that back in 1974. It probably couldn't even be done today. I don't care how much money you have. No way, No How!!!

4:Shoddy camera work: I'm assuming Michael J. Fox was not the cameraman, but if he was, he would have problem done a better job. There is no reason to shake the camera so much during action sequences, it doesn't add to the excitement of a karate fight. That shit might work for a giant monster attack (not!!)but it just confuses the action sequences in a martial arts flick.

Despite starting out with the negative aspects of the movie, I didn't hate it. There was actually enough awesomeness in it to keep me awake and enjoying it. First off, Sonny Chiba was in it and he kicks ass. By itself, that's all I really need to enjoy the movie. Despite the camera work, some of the fight sequences were fucking amazing. The spa episode was bar far my favorite seconded by the police station. And the movie does try to stay true to the first in keeping with the level of grotesque kills. I learned that Chiba's hits WILL cause eyes to leave the skull.

I would recommend Return of the Street Fighter for any martial arts or Sonny Chiba fans. If you have seen and loved the original, don't go into it expecting the same level of greatness, but don't discount it either. It is still an entertaining action movie.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

The Bride is nothing without Meiko Kaji

Quentin Tarantino. For some the name conjures images of gangsters, gimps, afros, kung-fu, and the Twist. A brilliant storyteller who pays homage to the forgotten, grindhouse cinema he grew up on in every movie is has made. Everything from blaxploitation to spaghetti westerns has been emulated in one or more of Tarantino’s movies. To many, Tarantino’s movies have helped open up the b-movie floodgates and exposed us to many movies that might have fallen through the cracks. If it wasn’t for Tarantino, would actors like Pam Greer and Sonny Chiba have the careers and cult followings they do today? I doubt it, but who am I to give an opinion? I know if it wasn’t for QT, I would never have had the urge to watch Return of the Street Fighter like I will be doing tonight. Thank you Tarantino!!!

For others though, the mere mention of the name brings violent outbursts and feelings of deep hatred. Yes folks, this is the other side of the genre-cinema-fan coin. Those who curse Tarantino for being a rip-off artist, a charlatan, and a hack. Those who claim Tarantino doesn’t have an original bone in his body. An Exploiter of Exploitation if you will. It seems to have become quite fashionable to have this approach these days. I can understand the opinion for those old enough to have lived and experienced the 42nd Street days. But if you happen to be my age or younger, I kinda look at it as biting the hand that feeds you.

Obviously, I am of the first opinion, but this blog isn’t about licking Tarantino’s asshole. I don’t even know if this article is going to do QT justice. In fact it might fuel the fire of Team Hater.

This article, my friends, is about the Bride. Rather, the archetype the the Bride is based on. Yes, we all know of Lady Snowblood and how some of the scenes in Kill Bill are almost filmed shot-for-shot, or so it seems. It happens to be my opinion, as powerful as such a thing is, that the character of the bride wasn’t based exclusively on Lady Snowblood, but more on the stereotypical roles played by the actress who portrayed Snowblood, Meiko Kaji.

Anybody who is familiar with the Pinky Violence genre will know the name Meiko Kaji by instinct. During the 70’s, she was the poster girl for all the embodied “Bad Ass” in Japanese cinema. In many a movie during this time, she was the perfect instrument in the name of feminine revenge. Whether she played a gang girl, a prisoner, or a murderous geisha…it ended in a bloodbath most of the time. Meiko Kaji was also quite the pop star during her reigning period as screen queen. QT even included one of her songs in the OST for Kill Bill(hmmm???).

So now I present a series of videos to you that prove, to me, the the Bride was based less on a character and more an amalgamation of characters all played by the same person. Granted, I could just be completely wrong and this is more about exposing, to the world, my love for Meiko Kaji. Either way you look at it, Meiko Kaji is incredibly nice to look at, especially when she is kicking ass.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

My undying love for Ultraman

If you have followed my blog for the last 6 months, you will know that I have long been a fan of Japanese cinema. I would have to say I have been a fan for about 30 years. That’s right, 30 fuckin’ years!! And I’m only 35. With many o my generation, my first exposure to Japanese cinema came to me on Saturday afternoon with what many TV stations referred to as the “Creature Double Feature”. This earliest exposure came in the form of a gargantuan lizard with a penchant for breathing fire and destroying Tokyo. That’s right kids…Muthafuckin’ Godzilla, or as I like to refer to him in the proper manner these days, Gojira! Back in the day, there was nothing cooler than watching grown men in monster costumes duke it out over model cities. As a child I didn’t have the jaded outlook of an adult, as I do now, so Gojilla and Mothra were just as real as ghosts and UFO’s. Over time, I would realize the socio-political aspects that went along with the Gojira mythology, and would come to enjoy the same movies of my youth with a different appreciation.

During the same period of my life, I also encountered a television show the would further exploit my budding love for Japanese cinema/tokusatsu, and the name of this TV show is Ultraman. As a friendless first-grader attending a new school in Oklahoma City, I found Ultraman to be a step above Gojira for a number of reasons.

First off, by the time I was 7 or 8 I had stopped believing giant monsters were real, but robots and aliens held a new place in my heart. To my naïve eyes, Ultraman was both a robot AND an alien. Completely more believable to someone who had recently made the jump from ghost stories to Jules Verne. Aliens are still believable to me almost 30 years later, while my obsession with cryptozoology has long passed.

Secondly, Ultraman was a good guy. This is long before I found a taste for the cinematic anti-hero as I do now. Gojira was never really anything more than a destructive force of nature surviving on a reptilian core. The concept of good vs. evil could never apply to him. I never really understood why at the time, but good vs. evil are very important concepts to a kid obsessed with sci-fi and comic books. Ultraman was truly good. He never destroyed Tokyo and killed countless innocents, as Gojira had. Ultraman protected humanity, never disregarding it as a lesser animal as Gojira did most of the time. Again, Ultraman wins.

Last, and perhaps the most important reason as to why Ultraman won out over Gojira…regularity. Gojira movies were on TV four times a month at the most. Ultraman, on the other hand, was given to me 5 times a week, which is far superior to 4 times a month. Even though the mid-60’s Ultraman available in the USA only consisted of 38 episodes, it was still on every day before school.. To a 7 year old, quantity is much more important over quality.

I have recently started watching the Ultraman series again, over 20 years later since last I had seen most of the episodes. I have to say, like watching Gojira, it is still entertaining, but on a different level. Instead of each episode being all about the Kaiju battle, I find much more interest in the story. Subject matter such as death and political corruption are not things you would find to be existent in children’s programming of today. That’s not even the tip of the iceberg. If I wanted to point out all the adult subject matter I’ve come across, I would have to write a separate review for each and every episode. Maybe in the future when I have a blog devoted to nothing but Ultraman, but I don’t have the time for that right now. Instead, I will just watch the episodes of my past and enjoy them from a whole new perspective.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Japanese Film Blogathon June 15-21

As many of you who read the cinematic rantings here know, I love Japanese film. I tend to focus on film from the 60's and 70's but occasionally wander into the other areas depending on the director and style. Starting Monday, I, and several other bloggers will be entering a Japanese cinema Blogathon. This means you will find at least a dozen or so film dorks such as myself writing as much about the films from The Land of The Rising Sun as we can. For me. I'm going to try for one review a day, or at least some kind of write-up. It will not only test my boundaries as a movie reviewer, something I've been neglecting heavily as of late, but my ability to spend the time watching at least one movie a day. Again, something else I've been having a hard time doing over the last couple of months. I will try to stay as focused as I can be, while still delivering as much excellent content as I, the CdT Master, can put out. I'm sure it will be a challenge with most of us. But I think the end result will be more fun than we intend it to be.

So stayed tuned starting Monday. This Blogathon will probably be more triumphant than we all intend.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Sound on Sight and Carradine the Man

10 days into the month and I give you my first post, aren't I the fuckin' slacker!?! Yeah well, the weather is nice so I haven't been writing as much as I used to, but that will all hopefully change. Recently, I was given the opportunity to write for Sound on Sight and will be contributing to there awesome website as much as possible writing horror/genre film news and quite possibly movie reviews. I had been suffering from writer's block over the last month or so, but with the death of David Carradine last week, I found my chance to write about it. Let's just hope I can keep this roll going. The article I wrote can be found here. I wanted to write a eulogy for CdT(this site, asshole!), but I have come to feel I can pay the man more respect by enjoying and reviewing his contributions to the world of cinema, which you will hopefully see over the next couple of weeks.

So check out Sound on Sight. Read the reviews, listen to the podcast, feel the power of pure awesomeness. Sound on Sight are also part of the Pop Syndicate family, so feel free to stroll over there and check out the plethora of greatness they have to offer.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

General Deadline is a couple days away for Royal Flush Festival


The Royal Flush Festival is still accepting submissions for the Fall, 2009 Event. We encourage filmmakers to submit their films this week as our regular deadline is this Friday, May 22nd.

Royal Flush is the continuation of Evil City Film Fest, which has been screening independent films in NYC since 2005. WIth the partnership of Royal Flush Magazine, we are excited to present an even bigger event this year as the focus will include underground art, live music & interactive panels in addition to the usual eclectic roster of films.

Check out our site and submit your films! We are now accepting feature length narratives & documentaries, short films, animation and music videos.

Check the site: http://royalflushfestival.com for details & information.


RFF Team
Jim Muscarella
Festival Director
Royal Flush Festival

Friday, May 8, 2009

Royal Flush Festival and more updates

It’s been a while since my last post. The weather has been nice and I have slacked a bit on my movie watching, but hopefully I can get at least 10 reviews in this month. At least, that is my goal. Weather aside, I’ve also been working on the side for the Royal Flush Festival. The Royal Flush Festival is formerly known as the E.Vil City Film festival and formed in 2005. Recently the festival joined forces with Royal Flush Magazine to bring NYC it’s latest incarnation. With the recent partnership, the focus is no longer on film, but on the many faces of art and music. I’m extremely excited to be working with Jim and the rest of the crew and have been spending my spare moments promoting the fuck out of the RFF.

So if your reading this and you’re a filmmaker or know somebody who is, send them my way or link to the website.

Also, I am going to be collaborating with some awesome folks to give you many mouthfuls of awesome in the genre film department over the next couple of weeks, so stay tuned.

Last but not least, I am always looking for co-contributors and collaborators. If you have any ideas just email me braincrayon@gmail.com or tweet at twitter.com/braincrayon.

So long and thanks for all the fish.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Crank: High Voltage.

Holy shit! How do I start this off?! I LOVE bad movies. If I were to list a top five I would probably get this site shut down. I love such bad movies that STEVE even invited me to write for him. Steve likes TRASH and apparently I embarrass HIM to the point where I was Bullied into writing. I have been long awaiting the best opportunity to take up this task have finally found a reason to do so. However I don't believe I will ever have a way to adequately convey through the format of words the awesome cinematic experience I have just gone through.

Crank 2 is epic. I would try and bring up a previous experience in YOUR own life that could come close to or even eclipse the movie I just saw by bringing you back to your first real ROCK AND FUCKING ROLL SHOW, but for all I kno you are into some pussy ass bird-watching music about tree-houses. Naw. If your reading this you are most definitely a connoisseur of depravity its forms and view any daintiness something to be spit upon.

This shit was so fucking belligerent. I have had those experiences. Those foam at the lips on your face with your hands in the AIR while you get your ribs punched and elbowed green an yellow. Those wake up with bruises mornings where all you can do is start drinking coffee in the hopes of getting as amped for sunlight today as you were for fucking STARDOM the night before!!! DESTROY!!!

My Great GODS ABOVE!!! I would punch this review into not just keyboards or walls or cars or bricks or your very own fucking face!!! I was so fucking riled up when I got home that I could have punched this review into a mountain instead of typing it into the night like some kind of quiet person.

I often times find myself trying to create a stir in public. If you walk (or better yet RUN) around screaming SEX AND VIOLENCE it gets a great reaction. Crank Two is more than that. Not just a frenzied shouting of said phrase but the actions contained therein in a most brutal manner! I have never been so close to FUCKING SHIT UP in a public place! I lived in Dens of sin where that shit is a requirement. I have been in PITS in theatres but never before was I tempted to WRECK in a CINEMA! This movie really could only benefit by a live band. I wouldn't be surprised to see it happen down the line. Fuck. I would play that music and jump out of the screen with lightning shooting out of my AWESOME COCK and that movie would not falter one fucking step. Even if I for some reason don't get to do this, this movie does have a really good soundtrack. Mike Patton did a good fucking job on the film score, and whoever chose the music besides got it down just right.

On a more serious note, it was an awesome movie. It made Shoot-Em'-Up look like a Connery Bond movie. It was totally non-stop. The small amount of character development/love interest/melodrama that did happen was put forth in such a ludicrous and outlandish manner that they in no way take away from the pacing of the film. I had a good solid 32 oz. of beer in me by the 45 minute mark and was REALLY pressed to find a suitable time to get up for a piss. You never know when Statham is gonna go flying out of a window or someone is gonna get a gun put to their head. Chev Chellios (Statham) is basically a living GTA. Except crazier. He runs around this movie like a crazed lunatic. He makes NICO Bellic look like Rain Man. To pull a quote from the movie itself, Chellios is "The Sickest most wickedest motherfucker to ever vaporize a motherfucker in cold blood".

The more kinetic moments of Tsukomoto's Tetsuo or Sogo Iishi's Burst city were brought to mind during Chellios' supercharge power ups. That being said, there are tons of other references to hectic pop culture as well. Looking at the fact that he has to power up or die, we see video games as a source for the entire plot. When he is all juiced up he often just runs wherever he needs to go. His fucking feet barely even touch the ground, like Sonic the Hedgehog. He powers up to kill badguys like Pacman. Fuck, at the beginning of the movie he even had a Life-bar. Turtles gotta eat pizza slices, Chevs gotta get juiced too. It got taken in a somewhat more sado-masochistic direction that pizza power this time, but it got my attention.

Horrible bootleg HK action cinema is also referenced by a totally gross Asian hooker that Chellios gets stuck with early on. She talks in broken english that is subtitled and I couldn't help but be reminded of all the terrible fan-subs I have watched.

In any case, I could go on about all types of crazy shit that happens in this movie. There is a strip club shootout that would make Robert Rodriguez puke in his pants. Full body Tourettes, Tatoos, Sushi, TITS! Its all there. The only reason to not be watching this movie is if you are watching the first one.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Podcast Killed the Radio Star

It's been awhile, but I go through short stretches of not watching
movies especially when I'm trying to catch up on two seasons of Lost.
During these periods of time I try not to fully disassociate myself
from cinema. Lately, to pass the time during my commute and work
itself, I've found that I have enjoyed listening to genre-related
podcasts, several in fact. I guess I would relate this behavior to
talk-radio for a new generation. Not that I was ever one of those
assholes that listened to NPR on there portable radio 24-7, but I've
discovered the older I get the more I can appreciate talking rather
than music to fill in those hours of social isolation in my office.
What makes the podcast superior over talk radio is that you can
actually listen to whatever the fuck you walk, rather than some
asshole keeping you updated on Somalian pirates when you want to hear
about teabaggers. I don't really think radio will become obsolete
anytime soon, but the days a re numbered.

There are quite a few out there in podworld, and I've tried out a
couple that just didn't work for me. The podcasts I enjoy, I listen to
on a regular basis, and I've compiled a list of my most enjoyable
downloads. If you know of a podcast I might have skipped, it's not
necessarily because I know it and don't like it, it's probably because
I haven't yet experienced it yet.

First off, check out Outside the
brought to you by Bill By Force and Mr. Chris. OTC is
updated weekly and is typically well over an hour long, something I'm
a huge fan of. Two movies are usually covered over this time, which seems to be the industry standard along with the last part of the show being for guest voice/email, much better than covering one movie. One of the things that separates them from the rest, besides there winning Boston-metro personalities, is the “Top 6 List” they start each podcast off with. These lists can range anywhere from “movies I would bring my mother to” to “film scores”. As far as filler is concerned, anyone that plays hardcore in between segments is gold to me. I love me some fuckin’ HC! Whatever the list is, it is typically a good topic to start the show with. OTC, along with a couple other podcasts that will be mentioned, are part of a larger media collective that goes by Pop Syndicate, who you should definitely check out. If you take the time to listen and enjoy Outside the Cinema, you should check out their sister show The Shinfo Show (short for Shitty Info). It’s very little like OTC but is a great way to get lost in your headphones for an hour or more.

When checking out Pop Syndicate, don’t forget to download the latest webisode of Gentlemens Guide to Midnite Cinema, GGTMC if the first is too much of a mouthful for you. Hosted from multiple international locations(USA and Canada), The Samurai and Large William typically run a double-feature review, and lately, sometimes a triple-play in the case of sequels. Like OTC, fan mail is typically read at the end of the show. What really separates this show from the others, besides being international and The Samurai’s smooth southern accent that I could listen to on a loop to fall asleep with like whale-songs, is the mini-review that is given in between segments. I can’t really remember names at this moment, but it just so happens to be family-friendly genre reviews put together by a father and daughter team. Typically I’m not a family-friendly kinda guy. But I got to hand it to GGTMC for encouraging genre to a wider audience, even though most of the show is really not, I repeat NOT, for children’s ears.

Last, but not least, in my favorite selections from the Pop Syndicate family is Cinema Diabolica. I like to consider Diabolica less of a podcast and more of a blooming empire. From what I understand, F13 and DZ are in the process of releasing material under the Cinema Diabolica name up to five times a week. Currently they have the review podcast and Diabolic Radio, which runs about a half hour and usually features a guest DJ from other podcast spinning there favorite tunes for the duration of the show. CD haven’t been updating recently, which has left me a shell of a man, but I’m sure when the expansion is finalized I’m going to have diabolic entertainment flowing out of my ass like a chocolate waterfall.

For the last two, I’m gonna hop across the pond to the Land Of Marmite and Rain…England!!! First off, we have Mondo Movie Podcast brought to you by two geezers from London who know what the fuck they are talking about. Mondo’s crowning achievement is their amazing ability to cover not two movies, but muthafuckin’ THREE in most shows, and still manage to cover the basics like fan mail, small talk, ect. I thought I was happy with two flicks, but three makes me warm in my funpants.

Last but not least, I bring you Goreboy Radio, a podcast I only recently started listening to and enjoy a great deal. Typically, I’m not a fan of the single person podcast, I find it to be the sonic equivalent of watching Terri Shiavo and a snail race. Not the case with Goreboy. He manages to keep me entertained for the entirety of his 2 hour podcast. It could be the fact that he can ramble like a pro or it could be the kick ass background music that is in constant play, like Goblin. And if you like Goblin you are probably a future friend, because I love that shit. The last show I listened to he brought it well into the 8th dimension with FIVE, count them, FIVE reviews. Holy Rotting Christ!! He also manages to spend the beginning of the show going over weird news, which keeps in away from being just another cult reviewer. This weeks new favorite.

I’m sure there are more out there that I didn’t touch upon. Feel free to recommend a podcast you think is great and I’ll give it a listen. Anything to keep me from withering up in a ball at work from the sounds of AM 70’s bullshit.