Leyendas macabras de la colonia(1974)

Do you like luchadors? What about the Spanish inquisition? Now let's throw in some Aztec necromancy, time travel, and musketeers. How does that move you? If your as confused and amazed by the idea as I was, you should probably take the time to find and watch Leyendas macabras de la colonia. It is possibly one of the most bizarre luche libre, scratch that, on of those most bizarre movies I have ever seen. And it was a hulluva good time, especially with a 40 oz. of Miller High Life.

It stars three of the post-santo bigwigs of mexican B cinema, Mil Mascara,Tinieblas el Gigante, and El Fantasma Blanco in all there mask-wearing-ass kicking glory. The movie starts with Tinieblas in an antique store. Yes I know, but just because he's a wrestler doesn't mean he doesn't have a taste for the finer things in life. In this case, it's a 400 year old painting. When questioning the shop owner about it, he is told about a curse being tied to said work of art. For some reason, Tinieblas is skeptical and pays the curse no mind. At this point, I'm thinking "what the fuck?". I own several luchador movies, and these guys are constantly battling zombies, alien midgits, and aztec mummies. You would think that having such a crazy life would make you weary of "cursed objects", but apparently it doesn't. Tinieblas cares more about having a conversation piece that will get him laid. What an ass.

On that note, let's fast forward to the post-match potential gangbang. Our masked heroes, with two floozies in tow. decide to have a victory-celebrating nightcap at the Tinieblas bachelor pad. The painting comes up in conversation. Mil Mascaras, the man of a Thousand Masks, comments about how ugly the painting is. This leads Tinieblas to give him the rundown on the curse story, and about how old and awesome the artwork is. Apparently, ghostly things happen on the midnight of the full moon. And as you would expect in a movie of this caliber, everybody thinks it's hogwash except for the floozies, who start freaking out. Mil Mascaras still thinks it's an ugly painting, even after hearing the ghost story. Awesome. Not only does he kicks ass for a living, the beefcake is also apparently some kinda fuckin' art critic. What a Juan-of-all-trades. My hero. Despite the warning, the party still goes on. When the clock strikes midnight, this party of masked swingers get what was coming to them. This is when the movie really starts to get good.

Instead of getting down and dirty like they planned, the party is mysteriously transported back to the early 1500's. From this point on, not only do they fuck up some some Inquistion soldiers, they also manage to battle aztec warriors, play witness to a couple of rapier duels, get their asses handed to them by a female zombie, and witness the potential genocidal plans of a mestiza witch. Sounds like fun, Oh it is.

I love luchador movies. Especially those from the 70's. Not only do you get to see larger-than-life entertainers play the part of superheroes. You also get to see some of the outlandish street clothes these uber-sexgods rocked during this time period. Mil Mascara was wearing leather leisure pants for fucksake. Fuck yes. Back in the 50's, Santo only ever wore his wrestling tights. Boring! 20 years later, luchadors have a swankier image to maintain. Tights are for the ring, the rest of the time it's turtle necks, leisure suits, and ascots. Yes, i did in fact say ascot. Nothing says manly like a fuckin' neckerchief. But it did go nicely with the mask. Because even though they only wear wrestling clothes to work, the mask stays on at all times. Gotta maintain an image ,ya know.

Another subject I'm a fan of when it comes to these movies are the fights scenes. There is always going to be a full 15 minute ring match at the start of the movie, and sometimes one towards the end. In this case it was both. But seriously, arena-style wrestling is impractical in a real melee situation. Everydoy knows choke hold and leg locks don't fly in the real world. But this isn't real life. This is a world where wrestlers are not only entertainers, they are superheroes. They are Protectors of the Common Man. The modern-day Hercules, if you will. And they wear ascots.

I have a bit of an obsession with luchador movies. I think it is a mixture of the utter ridiculousness mixed with the exotic nature of Mexican cinema. Earlier on, most of these movies were rip-offs of classic horror and sci-fi produced in the USA. But when you add the mask-wearing element to an already-covered subject matter, a new magic happens. And this is the magic that will forever leave me spellbound. Sure, i've seen the Dracula story told time after time, but throw in El Santo and it's a new chapter in the mythology. The same goes for Frankenstein's monster, martians, and mummies. I wouls go as far to say that any movie remake with a luchador thown in is going to make it 100 times more captivating and entertaining, especailly to me. I'm pretty easly to please most of the time, so don't hold it against me.

So throw on a mask and drink a 40. It's clobberin time.

Maniac Cop(1988)

There are many different uses for the word bad, especially when it involves movies and other sources of entertainment. Some people might say I like bad movies, but I prefer to say I like good-bad movies, or bad-good movies. It’s really all the same thing. I don’t like all bad movies. There is a great deal of garbage out there that I can’t even stomach. My review of My Bloody Valentine can attest to that.

Maniac Cop was a bad movie. But it was mad fun, making it a good-bad movie. It also starred the king of Good-Bad cinema, Bruce Campbell. If you are unfamiliar with Bruce, you probably shouldn’t be reading this blog, or breathing my oxygen for that matter.

I’m serious.

New York City circa 1988 is the backdrop. Manhattan Island wasn’t exactly the Disneyland it is today back then. Street crime was a real problem. So when getting mugged by shadow-walking thugs, you would think a man in blue uniform would be a ray of hope in the urban wasteland. That’s not the case here. See, there’s a rogue cop on the loose, and everybody is a target. Especially innocent people. The deaths start out fairly random: a female bartender escaping from potential rapists, a young couple snogging at a traffic light, and a drunk returning home from the bar. The department seems to think it’s a maniac posing as a cop, but Detective Frank McCrae thinks differently. He thinks the actual maniac is a cop. He also thinks that the NYPD is involved in a cover up. Like any good stereotypical loose cannon, he is going to get answers by any means necessary. Including leaking sensitive information to the media. Not the smartest loose cannon on the force, in my opinion, or the opinion of his superiors. Because of the media hype, people in the city are in hysterics. Not only are people hysterical, they no longer trust the cops. Combine the two and you got yourself a dead-cop-cocktail. Innocent cops to boot.

Thanks a bunch, Frank. You fuckin’ asshole.

Bruce Campbell plays Officer Jack Forrest, our hero. Jack Forrest is not happily married. Since he is not happily married, he tries to spend as much time away from his wife as possible. His wife has a secret, and it makes her suspicious of his motivations for being out so much. She suspects jack might actually be the killer cop. How did she arrive to this conclusion you ask? Late night calls from a mysterious, female voice accusing him as such. How intense. After following him to a motel one night, she soon discovers her suspicions were wrong. Jack’s not a murderous nutjob, he’s a fuckin’ cheater. After discovering this, she leaves in a rage, only to be stopped in the parking lot by the real maniac cop, and he’s not in a mood to comfort her aching heart. Let’s just say another one bites the dust, and Jack is the suspect for real. After he is locked up, the murders continue, and they are not so random anymore.

Maniac cop is moving up the political ladder, starting with the NYPD.

Sounds fun, doesn’t? As I said, it’s a bad movie. Not exactly something to write a film school thesis on. It’s more for the get-drunk-and-loud crowd, which I happen to be a card carrying member of. Bruce Campbell is not exactly a thespian, but he does play a great Bruce Campbell., and he is a B-Movie God. Whether he plays Elvis or annihilates Legions of the Dead, it’s all good to me. Good-bad that is.

Being a recent arrival to NYC (2+years), it is also nice to see what certain areas of the city looked liked back in the late 80’s. Although at some points the movie looks like LA, especially the car chases, it looks like it takes place in the neighborhood I work in, Chelsea. Chelsea still has some seedy aspects to it, but not as many as there were 20 years ago. The pier area is very developed at this point, to the degree that it’s a tourist spot. Quite a change from the desolate waterfront that appears in this movie.

I could go on longer, but really…it’s a bad movie. Fun, but that’s about all. I will probably eventually see the following maniac cop movies, but not in the too near future. If you feel like getting drunk with friends around the television, this is a great movie. If your looking for new cinematic meaning in life, you would probably get more value out of watching a eunuch get a hard-on.

And now the trailer

Bay of Blood/Twitch of the Death Nerve trailer

I think I'm just going to start adding trailers, if available to my reviews. I found this one on, surprise-surprise, youtube. Apparently you can find anything there accept naked people. Oh well, who needs naked people. This trailer is actually quite artsy and screams "look at all the terror". Does it not make you want to run out and by a copy of Twitch of the Death Nerve, which apparently is more commonly known as Bay of Blood? At least here in the states, according to IMDB.

Twitch of the Death Nerve(1971)

13 deaths. No less than 13 deaths. That's an impressive amount of killing for any horror/thriller, even by modern day standards. We're talking Voorhees-style slaughter too, not your standard stab-stab-shoot. Machetes through faces, double-impaling with a spear, even a head getting split wide open with an axe. That's some pretty serious shit, especially for 1971. You've gotta hand it to those Italians, Mario Bava in this case, they sure no how to shed blood on camera.

Twitch of the Death Nerve is the story of multiple groups of seedy assholes who will go to any length to get what they want. In this case it's a hot piece of wilderness property on the ocean. The movie starts out with the murder-made-to-look-suicide death of the proprietor of this hot property, an old lady in a wheelchair. This first murder was committed by her young, greedy husband. He in turn was murdered within minutes by a mysterious knife-wielding maniac, who we learn more about later, but he is only one of several amoral bastards in this movie. Lets not forget the young husband's poor daughter and her good-for-nothing husband. She's actually responsible for the highly grotesque headsplitting I was talking about earlier. Then we move on to the estate handler, the man who is most responsible for the old lady's death, consideing he is the one who manufactured the fake suicide. Didn't that blow up in his face. Let's just say this flick is something of a Scumbag Olympiad.

This movie also set the stage for slasher movies that would plague the market almost a decade later. Not only with the over-the-top slaughter, but the gruesome deaths of unsusp[ecting sex-crazed teenagers. That's right kids, teenagers die for no good reason. fuckin' rightious. One scene involves a spear going through a copulating pair. Now doesn't that remind you of something that happened in a later movie? hmmm.....

This is actually the first Mario Bava movie I have seen and it is definitely not the last. I was quite impressed the camera work, done by bava himself, because the budget was ridiculously low from what I've read. The special effects were quite good and ahead of their time. When a machete went a kids face, it was quite realistic, especially when it was being pulled out. It brought a smile to my face. From what Nate says, this was a good movie to start with. i know I'll be watching several more over the next couple of weeks, maybe days.

Any fan of your modern day slasher flick (post 80's) would think this film is the cat's meow, and if you don't, well, you're probably an adult bedwetter.

I Corpi presentano tracce di violenza carnale/ Torso(1973)

I like to drink a couple times a week at the local Williamsburg metal bar, Duff's. The bartenders are out of this world and the happy hour is a satanic blessing:PBR's for a buck until 9. This is New York City, there aren't that many places you are going to find PBR's for less than $3. And if there are, you sure as hell aren't going to find Amon Amarth on the jukebox. With that being said, anyway, Duff's just recently moved it's location and the digs are quite a bit swankier. Jimmy Duff put a fuck-ton of work into the new place to make it look like the Father of All Metal Bars. Giger prints, smashed guitars, a gimp cage, and horror/exploitation posters as far as the eye can see. One such poster is for the movie Torso, which I had never heard of. I didn't become curious to see it until I stumbled upon the trailer a few weeks ago.



After watching the trailer, I thought to myself,"looks like a grindhouse slasher, I bet the trailer is better than the movie" and decided I need to watch it for myself. If anything I could get a good laugh out of it. And it's got to be better than My Bloody Valentine. I was right. It was way better than My Bloody Valentine (just writing it makes me puke in my mouth). But I wouldn't call it the run-of-the-mill slasher either. It's giallo, which is a genre I've only just recently started to become familiar with. There are elements of slasher flick present, but the drive behind the psychokiller is a bit more indepth than sex-crazed teenagers fucking at an abandoned camp ground.

I take you now to a college campus in Rome, where the women are hot and love to argue with Art Professors about the validity of certain renaissance artists. Within a couple day period, two of the attractive lasses have died at the hands, or shall I say red and black scarf, of the neighborhood psychokiller. The school has been closed and the other hotties are scared shitless. One of them in particular, we'll call her Hot Brunette #1, has received threatening phonecalls and is a little more out-of-sorts than her three hot friends. Her uncle gave her permission to escape to the country villa for the weekend and bring her friends with her. She agrees, anything to get her away from her obsessive classmate who she thinks might possibly be the killer. I mean seriously, is some random strangler going to follow 3 beautiful women a couple hundred miles north? Don't answer that, of course he is.

Based on the way the movie begins, you would think Hot Brunette #1 is the main character and can't possibly be a victim. Wrong! Enter Dani, or shall I say Hot Blonde. She is an American transfer student who up to this time has been a supporting character. She is making the pilgrimage to the country with the rest of the girls, but has errands to take care of first. When she does finally make it up, she has to go and ruin her own getaway weekend by falling down the stairs and twisting her ankle. It was a very nice fall though. I expected a neck breaking or something equally horrendous. Not an ankle twist.

But anyway, after a series of murders the killer finally makes his way to the girl's sanctuary, and it doesn't stay safe long after that. Dani, after waking up late due to mixing alcohol and pills like a party girl, finds that the house is incredibly quiet. Upon further investigation, she also finds her three friends are quiet because they are incredibly dead. Here comes the kicker: Captain Cut-Em-Up is still on the property, and he's not done. Killing is not enough, appently the deed isn't done until every limb is extracted slowly with a hacksaw. Not only is Dani trapped, she has to witness her friends getting cut up bit-by-fuckin'-bit. Doesn't sound like too much fun to me.

This is where the story gets interesting and separates itself from a standard slasher film. The level of terror you witness is less scream-and-run-fast and more psychological. I like to think of giallo movies as Hitchcock with more boobs and violence. There is actually quite a bit of nakedness, like any good italian flick should have. I've read reviews on IMDB from assholes complaining about the lack of gore. If you want gore, rent a fuckin' cannibal movie. God knows the italians made plenty of those. Stylistically, Torso was also very nice. There was one shot of a body being dumped into a well, and the camera was actually filming from the bottom of the well. It was nicely done. I was even a bit surpised to find out who the slasher was. As with any murder mystery, you get possibility-after-possibility throughout the movie, but this one blind-sided me a bit. I gotta stay on my toes more the next time I watch a movie like this.

All together, I'm really liking the giallo movies I have watched recently and can't wait to getting a better grasp of the genre. i have the appreciation, now I just need to feel the love.

The Lustful Shogun and his 21 Concubines(1972)

Do you remember that scene in Office Space when Peter was asking his mullet-blessed neighbor what he would do with a million dollars? His answer was sexing up multiple women at the same time. As dumb as it sounded, it does make sense to some men, if not all of them. Especailly when you come from a poorer background than some, then ludicrous ideas about spending money frequently plague the brain. If I had the money, would I do it? Maybe once, just to say I did.

The Lustful Shogun and his 21 Concubines covers this very same scenario. A poor, country boy, with a bit of an unhealthy sex obsession, leaves home to make his way in the world. He figures since he can't fuck his childhood sweetheart until marriage, he might be able to get what he can by leaving home. In his travels, he ends up at Edo Castle as a bathboy. Edo castle is the center of the Kokagawa Shogunate, and he just happened to show up in time for the 10th Shogun to pass on. And as luck would allow, he is the spitting image of of the next-in-line for the throne. The only problem is that the 11th Shogun is afraid of females, which is apparently frowned upon by his people. So the two are switched so His Weakness can go off to learn how to properly by a man's man.

It just so happens that the Shogun has a Concubine house with hundreds to thousands of beautiful females. Imposter Shogun is not the worst situation to be in for a sex-obsessed, bath boy. From this point on, Mr. Walking Viagra spends a great portion of the movie bedding with as many of the concubines as possible, along with the future wife of the shogun. 21 women in total, most getting impregnated. Everthing goes well in the beginning, but then the psuedo-power starts to go to the boys head. And you know that can't turn out very good. Considering the boy is just a political pawn for a sheisty second-in-command who really just plans on seizing power in the future, this can make for an expected turn-for-the worst.

I've been a fan of the japanese Pinku genre for a while now, so this film is right up my alley. Not only are some of my favorite Pinky Violence actresses in this film. Like many off the Toei Studios of this era, the production was great and it was well acted. Not your typical exploitation flick, but most pinku of this era weren't either. The story was told well, and despite all the sex, there was an actual plot. I don't really know how historically accurate it was, but it has made me curious about japanese history. Lone Wolf and Cub also takes place during the Kokagawa Shogunate, so I have a newly-found interest in japanese history. But anyway, enough of my supreme dorkness...

If you like Japanese movies from this era, like I do, you would probably find interest in this movie. If you like boobs and have an asian festish, like most American white boys, you would also really dig this movie.

Now for some horror to fall asleep to.

Massacre at Central High(1976)

A vengeful psychotic or a high school punching bag’s wet dream? Despite how dastardly an act a slaughtering of fellow students is, we must always remember there are two sides to every story. Many of us have been in the position of the abused, and have, at one point or another, thought those very same things. Thankfully, many of us won’t carry out those type of thoughts. That’s what movies are for. Especially badly-acted, 42^nd st classics like Massacre at Central High. Who needs to get 25 to Life when you can watch uber-bullies get the shaft on the big screen. Well, in my case, a 24-inch television.

David is the new kid in town. He likes to run on the beach and oogle his best friend’s girl. He is also surprisingly violent, especially towards the group of thugs who run the school like Abu Ghraib. After spoiling an attempted gang rape, and beating the Jr. Hitler Society senseless, David is viewed in a more positive light by the weakerthans who make up the majority of central High’s student body. Although there appears to be a new sherriff in town, Das Bullies aren’t gonna hand over the championship belt that easily. After David receives a damaging visit from the former kings, things take a nasty turn. See, David likes to run, and it’s hard to run when your leg has been crushed by a classic American car. Since David can’t run anymore, he is going to have to find another hobby. Guess what that is?

After a few deaths that come in the form of unfortunate accidents, it would seem that Central High is bully-free and a much happier place. That doesn’t keep for very long. Apparently nerds need discipline and guidance, or things get out of line. Instead of one, now several factions want control of the school, and they all think david is the guy to help them acheive there goals. But he doesn’t quite see eye-to-eye with the nerds-turned-powermongers, and things start to get ugly again.

I love underdog films, and it makes it that much better when there is over-the-top violence involved. I also love grindhouse films from the 70’s. As bad as the acting was, and as ludicrous the situations were, I still enjoyed myself. Completely unrealistic, but that is one of the things that makes it entertaining. Seriously, are 3 guys really going to make that much of an impact on a standard sized high school? Why does the student lounge look like a Victorian reading room? How the fuck does Robert Carradine’s (of revenge of the Nerds fame) character end up in a tented threesome with 2 hotties? Completely unrealistic I tell you.

Despite it being grindhouse, the movie actually did the trailer justice, which is usually not the case. It has naked girls, explosions, and a hang glider accident. Seriously, what else do you need a Wednesday night by yourself with some Yuengling bombers. It made a great evening. The film even has the overplayed wear-and-tear, and that by itself is something to write home about. I recommend Massacre for those fans of the sticky theater classics.

My Bloody Valentine(1981)

Everybody knows that you can't expect much from a slasher film. People fuck, run, scream, and die in a manner most grizzly. Real simple shit. So you ask, "How can you fuck up such a simple formula?". I don't know, but apparently the Canadian assholes who made this piece-of-shit did. There is a lot I shit I could say about this movie, but I don't want to rehash bad memories. I can't even believe Hollywood thought this disaster-piece was worth re-making. Apparently the film industry will hire any schmuck off the streets these day.

This is the story of a Canadian bumfuck mining town that has a history of murders related to one of the most god awful holidays. Because of this, they haven't had a Valentine's dance in 20 years because of a written warning from a psychotic ex-miner. When the locals feel that enough time has passed for the threat to cease, they decide to bring back the tradition. Not knowing that bringing back the tradition will also bring back a body count.

Sound interesting? Well it's not. For on, the body count consists of zero teenage content. What kind of a slasher flick has no teenagers being slaughtered? Most of the victims are young, redneck miners who apparently still act like teens. Not realistic and here's why. If you are going to spend your whole life in a shithole mining town, why would you not be married to your high school fuck by the age of 19? People like that don't stay swinging single. The leave school, get married, have crotch-fruit, and balloon from apathy towards their shitty life. Not realistic at all.

Then we get to the music. What kind of a fuckin' horror movie has trucker country for the soundtrack? This one does. Horror movies should have creepy, italian synth scores or metal, at least some fuckin' rock. Not fuckin' country, especially bad country.

The gore wasn't even that cool. Substandard bullshit. This movie couldn't even scare a child with sleep terrors. Apparently there is an added 3 minutes of never-before-seen material in the recent DVD re-release. Who gives a fuck! That would have been an extra 3 minutes of life I could have been wasting away doing something more interesting, like cleaning my balls with a brillo pad.

Don't watch this movie unless you enjoy making fun of the way canucks speak. Even if you do, there are way more redeeming things to watch like DeGrassi High.

Now let's see if I can sit through the re-make. All this for some fuckin' 3-D glasses.

New banner

That's right, not just a new banner, this things finally got a fuckin' banner. The heat is finally back on, so I've spent the majority of this post-job evening working on the damn thing. I went through loads of images and experimented via photoshop. After spending hours manipulating images I realized I could use a little more experience with the newer photoshop (I haven't used it since 7). I wouldn't say this banner is permanent, but it will work for the time being. Knowing the way I change my fuckin' mind, it's probably going to be different within a week.

If your not familiar with the image, let me tell ya a little bit about it. It's from one of my favorite Shaw Brothers flicks of all time, Five Elements Ninja. Directed by Chang Cheh, this is one of the bloddiest and fun of the Chinese-style Ninja flicks I have ever laid eyes upon. The scene from the banner is of one of 2 brothers getting slaughtered by the element gold ninja. I first rented this movie back in the early 90's and it has forever been ingrained in my psyche. If I remember correctly, I rented this and 5 Deadly Venoms in the same night, which is one of my top movies of all time. All I can say is I probably felt as if I was touched by god that night, or something close to it......like sober sex.

Anyhoo, if you like the banner or not, leave a comment about it. If you love 5 Elements Ninja or 5 Deadly Venoms, leave a comment. If you don't like any of the 2 movies mentioned, you might as well have "beat me senseless" tattoed on your forehead.

I have heat now. So I am going to relax with a movie for the first time in days.

toodles.

A couple days

I haven't been doing a very good job of updating over the last couple of days due to not being at home very often. My apartment is cold. So cold I don't really want to be there because it feels like a dead space. I have plenty of movies to watch, but would rather watched them in complete comfort. I don't understand why the building super can't seem to get the heating right. I've complained three times over the last couple of weeks, and I don't want to be a problem tenant. It usually gets taken care of pretty quickly, and then it's amazingly hot. i don't mind it being hot, but apparently others in the building do, and then the thermostat gets turned down. It's starting to become a real pain in the ass.

So may be I'll get a chance to watch something tonight after I go see Skeletonwitch. We'll see.

3-D..movies in stereo,yo

So in preparation for going to see Hollywood's latest possible butchery of a horror classic, My Bloody Valentine 3-D, I'm going to watch the original in the next couple of days. I've never actually watched it mind you, but I might as well to be one of those bitchy movie critics who slam Hollywood remakes every chance they get. It's the fashionable thing to do. The reality of my wanting to see the movie has nothing to do with it being a remake, I just want the glasses.

That's right,3-D glasses


There are a ton of 3-D movies I am obsessed with seeing, but don't have the glasses to view the flicks properly. Did you know that there is actually 3-D softcore? Blonde Emmanuelle. Or a second part to Creature from the Black Lagoon? Revenge of the Creature. Movies I didn't realize even existed are available for my multi-dimensional viewing pleasure.

Yes. It is indeed a new cinema obsession. Like everything else I obsess over, it's probably only going to last a few weeks. But until that time, bring on the red and blue!

Hells Angels on Wheels(1967)

Jack Nicholson will always look the same, despite how young he was over 40 years ago. Even in Hells Angels on Wheels he looks like a middle aged man, despite being in his 20's. I'm not the biggest fan of Jack, but he does do a helluva good job of playing himself. Give Christian Slater a couple of years, and he'll be just as good at playing Jack Nicholson.

Apparently Sonny Barger once told the media, that this movie is the most accurate portrayal of the Hell's Angel's ever to come out of Hollywood. I can believe that statement when it comes down to the partying, fights, and weekend rides. But I have a hard time believing in the complete disregard for life. Yes, motorcycle clubs tend run on the other side of the law, but not to the point where the death of an old man is shrugged off. Give me a break.

All in all, I enjoyed watching this movie. Jack Nicholson plays the Poet, a wayward youngster who becomes a pledge for the Angels. He likes to "scramble" and defend the brothers, and they see that as a desirable trait. What is not seen as desirable is Poet's affection for Shill, who just happens to be Buddy's(the Sonny Barger character) whenever-he-wants fucktoy. The story isn't all that deep, and the music isn't that great, but Jack plays Jack and that's what the people want. I also felt that it was filmed really well and the fight and riding sequences were really fun.

From other reviews I've read, this is supposed to be one of the best biker movie to come out of the 60's. I will have to decide that for myself, since I haven't seen a whole lot of biker movies. Next stop on the leather n' Harley express, Werewolves on Wheels.

Streets of Fire

So early this morning in between drunkiness and not being able to sleep I decided to watch a blast from the past, Streets of Fire. Anyone who watched lots of HBO during the early 80's, as I did, has probably seen this movie at least 3 times. A self-described "rock n roll fable", SOF is supposed to be the perfect fusion of JD movie,rock n' roll, and 80's glamour rolled into one. To me it was less perfect than I remember it being when I was pre-pubescent. What did I know back then, I also used to wear a Michael Jackson "thriller"-style jacket. I was pretty dumb. I did get a kick out of watching this when the drunk was still on during the first 20 minutes. But then I passed out, woke up and watched the rest, and wasn't as impressed.

The idea of the movie is pretty cool, but the director should have remembered when you hire relative unknowns, you are not dealing with the most quality acting. Which I don't really mind so much, I worship Bruce Campbell. The most atrocious part of this movie were two of the performed songs, which were written by the same piece of shit who wrote for Meatloaf. So the songs sound like Bat Out Of Hell but with a female vocalist, give me a fucking break. I hate Meatloaf so much, I would rather see him get typecast as a retarded fat man in every movie Hollywood releases than see him put out another album. Fuckin' scumbag.

Redeeming qualities in the movie:

*Bill Paxton's pompadour and chipped tooth,he also got his ass beat by a girl
*a performance by the Blasters
*rad ass pickaxe fight
*hot rods and greasers
*Willem Dafoe playing an asshole, there really are no other roles for him

Ohter than that, I recommend this movie while drunk or if you are one of those sad sods who actually enjoys Meatloaf. And if you are, GO FUCK YOURSELF!

peace.......

Shogun Assassin

Just to give you an idea of how awesome Lone Wolf and Cub movies are, I've posted up the trailer for Shogun Assassin, a 1980 release that was made up of bits and pieces from the first 2 movies to cater to an american grindhouse audience. Apparently, only the most violent and brutal scenes were used for this edition and it was banned in the UK for being too brutal. I don't know if I want to see shogun assassin, since I have the movies that it was created from. Regardless, check out the trailer and experience the awesomeness that is Lone Wolf and Cub.

First Friday at home in a loooong ass time..

I realize that most of the people I associate find the idea of New Years resolutions complete and utter bullshit, but a great deal of us still make them in secret. Hell, I'll be the first person to tell you that they only work for me for so long, but I still make the attempt. One of the promises I made to myself as soon as 2009 started was to stop going out to the bar so much. i have other hobbies that I should really be focusing on rather than looking down into an empty can of PBR wondering why it's 2 AM and I'm still sitting on a bar stool. I have plenty of movies to watch, and plenty of time to do it. And, truth be told, it's a helluva lot cheaper and less dangerous to my health. Yes, I am single and there really aren't members of the opposite sex randomly popping in my room for a drink, but based on the last couple of times I've met girls in bars, I am pretty close to saying "all set wit dat".

To get back to the reason I created this blog..movies. Last night I watched several in between naps and interwebby addiction. Let me go down the list with a brief summary for each.

Garo: hyper midnight action drama. Pretty much live action anime. From what I've read, this was actually a televsion series in Japan aimed towards a young adult crowd. I would hope so, considering the special I saw was full of death, blood, and sexual innuendo. Not that I'm trying to sound like a crabby old man, but young people should only be seeing this behind there parent's back. Modern-day super knights fighting demons. I can't believe they even brought out the Final Fantasy-style giant sword. It was quite amazing. The CGI wasn't exactly cutting edge, but when you mix it with the wire-fu and wholesale slaughter, it's a fuckin' blast.

Black Samson: I'm a huge fan of blaxploitation. Give me something with Pam Grier or Fred Williamson any day and you will see a very happy man. This movie didn't make me that happy. This was one of those many of cheaply made movies where the neighborhood hero spends the entire time pushing out the racist, mafia honkeys trying to take control of the black community by pushing junk in and harassing local business. Black Gestapo was much more entertaining and followed the same basic premise. Although Samson did have a pet lion and a bad ass staff, I new how the story was going to end. It is worth watching all through, especially during the ending action sequences.

Rock All Night: It's no secret I love Roger Corman's movies. Especially those starring Dick Miller. In this 1957 classic, Dick Miller plays a small fry with a napolean complex the size of mainland China. While hanging out in his local rock bar, he steps on the toes of most of the patrons coming in, even the gun-weilding killers who take the bar hostage midway through the movie. Even though Corman was the master of the low budget movie, this, and many others, has a good story and fun dialogue, at least from Dick Millers character. Plus performances from the Platters and the Blockbusters.

Lone Wolf and Cub:Sword of Vengeance:The coup de grace of my evening. I love japanese cinema, bar none. Especially the early seventies shit with all kinds of katana-play ending in decapitations and other dismemberments on a lager-than-life scale. When I get into to watching a Pinky Violence movie, and other exploitation from this era, you can be sure I'm not getting up, even for a piss break. this is the first installment of several movies based on the early manga comic of the same name. The former executioner for the Tokagawa Shogunate, now ronin samurai, travels the countryside pushing a baby carriage carrying his motherless child and taking jobs that require his expertise unitl the day he can avenge his family. Fairly basic revenge shit, like any good martial arts movie, with great direction,camera work and effects for the time. Iw ill be getting more into this series of movies over the next couple of days, since I plan on watching them all by next week. What a great end to the evening, I tell you.

Yeah 2009

Happy New Year! I've been waiting for this for months, and now that it's come, i feel like a huge weight was lifted off my chest. I keep telling myself,"in 2009, Steve is gonna shine". Uber-cheeze I know, but everybody needs a new mantra every so often to freshen things up.

I haven't yet started the movie watching today, but I can guarantee it's going to consume a great part of my afternoon and evening. I currently have a super-weird,rubbersuit-infested anime-style live action in my dvd player that I am dying to finish. I started watching Garo last night and was completely amazed by the action scenes and special effect with what little I saw. Not saying that the cg and rubber suits were completley realistic. Quite the contrary. It looks like over-the-top trash that is one of those many qualities that make japanese cinema so entertaining. Garo was apparently a series and this is a two-part made for tv movie. I'm not quite sure, but I'll be sure to write more about it later on today.

I'm most likely going to add the blaxploitation classic Black Samson to my daily routine. I haven't seen a good blaxploitation movie in weeks, and i've been in the mood, especially after listening to Wu-tang for a good part of the morning. besides, this one has lions. I love movies with wild animals in urban environments. Really, how bad can it be.

Latez.