FestQuest:SXSW 2011 Midnighters - The Divide

With the release of SXSW's Midnighter's and SXFantastic list over the last couple of days, I've decided now would be a good time to add the "FestQuest"(cheesy I know)section to Ye Olde Blogge. I've been dabbling with the idea for the last couple of weeks and now is a better time than ever with SXSW just around the corner. Besides, it gives me an excuse to blog something more than reviews and local NYC cult movie showings. More content makes me a busier guy in this time of extreme boredom.

I'm aware that several of these movies might have already been covered, even reviewed, due to the fact that they have probably been on the festival circuit for awhile. So don't scorn me for being a day late and a dollar short with a couple. In some cases I might not even cover it based on trailer availability. I have a format with each post that I like to follow. That format includes trailer at the bottom.

I'm going to kick this off with The Divide(2011), directed by Xavier Gens. For me, Gens is best known for the French horror Frontier(s), a movie in which I was able to see a one-night only screening of a couple of years back and really enjoyed. Before Frontier(s), there wasn't much out of France that interested me besides berets and cigarettes. Since then, I've been sure to keep my eyes open for anything new in the realm of horror.

The only help IMDB can provide with a summary for The Divide is "To survive the end of the world you must first survive each other." This, along with the trailer, makes me believe that The Divide is something of a post-apocalyptic movie with that Lord of the Flies thing going for it. I realize the idea is nothing new, but I have much faith in Gens' direction. Besides, Rosanna Arquette has what looks to be an active roll, and you can't go wrong with someone who inspired a Toto song, can you?



South by Southwest(SXSW) Film Conference and Festival 2011,March 11–19 in Austin, TX(as if you didn't know.)

Big Screen Big Apple- The Valiant Ones(1975) Sunday Feb. 13th at 4 PM

Let's give it up for the Museum of the Moving Image this weekend for bringing a kung-fu classic to the big screen. Woooo Hooooo!!! After being out of commission for a couple years, it's nice to see that NYC's best museum has an open theatre again. I don't know if this is part of the museum's ongoing Fist and Sword series or not, but it's really nice to see that King Hu's The Valiant Ones(1975) is going to be one of the opening screenings for the new museum.

The Museum of the Moving Image says - " A rarely screened wuxia gem, The Valiant Ones is a meditative yet action-filled movie about a 16th century husband-and-wife swordfighting team hired to protect China from Japanese marauders. King Hu reveals character through the film’s intricate fight scenes. "


Sunday February 13th at 4pm @ Museum of the Moving Image 35 Avenue at 37 Street Astoria, Queens Free with admission

Big Screen Big Apple- Possession(1981)Sunday Feb. 13 at Midnight

Looks like Spectacle is taking on an extra Midnite Movie this weekend. I hoping it's to make up for wasting Friday night on Brown Bunny. Possession(1981), Andrzej Żuławski's cult classic will be bringing the weekend to a close in Williamsburg. Although difficult to classify, Possession is a horror/thriller/surrealistic nightmare that is often compared to such classics as Cronenberg's The Brood and Von Trier's Antichrist.

IMDB says - "A young woman left her family for an unspecified reason. The husband determines to find out the truth and starts following his wife. At first, he suspects that a man is involved. But gradually, he finds out more and more strange behaviors and bizarre incidents that indicate something more than a possessed love affair"

Sunday February 13th at Midnight @ Spectacle 124 S. 3rd St., (at Bedford Ave.)Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Big Screen Big Apple- Score(1974)Saturday Feb. 12 at Midnight

I like to think of myself as a bit well-versed in sexploitation, since I was one of those horny teenagers who would sneak in a little late night Skinemax when the family went to bed. As much Emanuelle and Lady Chatterly these eyes have seen, there were just too many 70's softcores being cranked through the Deuce to make it to cable. Amongst the many I missed during my junior high years was a cutting flick called Score(1974), directed by Radley Metzger, who i had never heard of until now, According to Wikipedia Metger is "considered to be among the more stylish directors of the sexploitation and porno chic eras". Even though my tastes in late night entertainment have changed over the last 20 years, I still think checking out Score tomorrow night at Spectacle might be a good time for any couple in the mood for a little sexytime cinema to open up Valentine's Day Weekend. You could go by yourself, but that might be considered kind of creepy.

IMDB says - "Liberated '70s couple seduce another couple into experimentation with bisexuality and group-sex."...Rather short summary if I say so myself. Hopefully the trailer at the bottom of the page can give you a better idea. All you really have to know is that this classic has sex filmed artistically and slightly tastefully like many of these European classics.

February 12th @ Midnight at Spectacle 124 S. 3rd St.,(at Bedford Ave.)Williamsburg, Brooklyn

SyFy's Being Human Has Almost Won Me Over

I first started seeing this poster during my morning commute about 4 months back. As with any advertisement I see for SyFy "original" programming, it sparked my curiosity. Syfy's original series have always been more of a hit than a miss for me. Even though I never jumped on the Battlestar Galactica bandwagon, shows like Eureka and Sliders(I know it started on Fox) have always caught my attention. I didn't know what to expect from Being Human, but all I need to do was a little bit of research to get my answer. And when I got my answer I felt nothing but contempt and disgust for the show and SyFy itself.

I found out Being Human was all about 3 roommates who happen to be supernatural creatures: a vampire, a werewolf, and a ghost. It sounded like it was going to be a mixture of The Munsters and Three's Company, two shows that work fine on there own based on the time period they were popular. Campy monsters were very "early 60's" and swingin' singles did the late 70's justice. Mashing the two up together together to represent a modern day series would surely be atrocious, even for the Twi-tards. The thought of it not only pissed me off, but made me physically ill just thinking about it. In my mind, there was no way I would ever watch such a disgusting display of primetime entertainment. Or so I thought.....

As with many Americans, I am but half of a greater whole known as the monogamous relationship. And we all know with any good relationship there are equal parts give and take to keep a balance. Mary might not want to see every sleazy movie out of Italy and Japan, but she will sit by my side night-after-night watching them with me. In return, I try to give equal time to House Hunters and whatever is on Discovery Investigation. Not only is it fair, but I can honestly say most of the time it's an enjoyable experience for both of us. When the subject of Being Human came up about a month ago, I expressed my disdain. Not that it really mattered because My Beloved had an interest that rivaled my own in seeing The Cape (which turned out to be utterly disappointing). So we had an unspoken agreement to sit through both, no matter how what.

Within five minutes of watching the pilot episode, my disgust quickly turned into a silent rage. This was all due to being exposed one of my biggest horror-related pet peeves: daywalking vampires. If there is one thing that really pisses me off about the current batch of myth-raping vampire shows, and movies, it's the daywalker. Without Death-By-Sunlight as a deterrent, vampires are essentially unstoppable predatory gods, and that just makes for a boring storyline. Adding daywalking to my preconceived ideas on how the show was going to horribly play out was just a recipe for disastrous opinion. Or so I thought....

At this point in the series, I have watched three episodes. What I thought was going to be an excruciating hour of keeping my lip's zipped in discontent has actually turned out to be somewhat of an enjoyable new ritual with the girlfriend. By the end of the first episode my rage had subsided and by the end of the second episode I actually found myself slightly content by the turnout. After last night's episode I actually found myself talking it up a bit to my roommate.

Being Human didn't turn out to be as cheesy as I thought it was going to be, although it still has a cheese factor. Based on the premise it really can't be escaped. Thankfully the show is nothing like what I thought it was going to be. What little humor there is isn't slapstick as I was expecting, and the storyline and character development are interesting. The plot is character driven instead of premise driven. I was expecting the focus to be more about kooky roommate relations with the living area as the only backdrop. Although the living situation is an integral part of the storyline, what really shines is the focus on the personal struggles each of the characters have to endure on there own. The vampire has to deal with fighting his predatory urges and wolfboy has that whole Jekyll/Hyde ego vs. id struggle. Although I think ghost girl is the weakest link and most disinteresting, she still has to struggle with her new life being dead, which is probably, by my opinion, is what really brings what little comic cheese there is in the series. Even though it's not needed, it is still appreciated. The violence isn't half bad either. Although shows like CSI throw more gore at the audience in one episode than three of Being Human, it's far more violent in comparison to such weekly shitfests as The Vampire Diaries. I find the horror aspect to be an almost fair trade off for the lack keeping the mythology of the vampire accurate.

As much as I hate the idea of vampires walking around during the day appalling, Being Human has turned out to be an entertaining series. I've even been considering taking a look at the original British series, which I hear is better. I'm not going to say I've been completely turned to it as to be called a fan, but I'm no longer opposed to this new Monday night ritual following How I Met Your Mother.

Orcs!(2010)- Where Do You Go When All The Other Monsters Have Been Used Up?

Since I've recently come into quite a bit of free time(unemployment will do that), I've been spending more and more time haunting some of my favorite spots on the internet. My favorite, of course, being this little slice of stupid I like to refer to as "my blog". After spending the majority of last year ignoring blogging, you might have noticed I've been devoting a lot more time to watching and writing about movies. Not that my audience was ever large or I was on a deadline but expression is one of those things that make people happy. Even if it's a couple of paragraphs about a shitty exploitation movie, at least I'm doing something. So far. 2011 has proved to be successful since I have already doubled the blog entries I put in during the entirety of 2010.

Besides the reviews, I have also been known to drop knowledge on some up-in-coming indie horrors. After recently trolling the darkeah deptha of genre forumdom, I came upon the trailer for Orcs!(2010), and it caught my interest. Now I'm just as sick of the oversaturation in the monster market as the next nerd, but I find something interesting about replacing the undead with fantasy creatures. As a former roleplayer and Magic The Gathering addict, I can't get enough of orcs. There are only so many times I can watch LOTR, so where else can I get my geek fix unless I resort to my old ways(which I still might do regardless)?

Hopefully, Orcs reaches the festival circuit pretty soon. Even straight to DVD would work for me even though I would love to see such a fun idea get the recongition it deserves. Any way it comes to me I'm going to enjoy it. I'm sure many of you will find the trailer a bit campy, but what else are you going to do with such a motley fantasy race?



http://orcs-movie.blogspot.com/

http://www.facebook.com/OrcsMovie

Big Screen Big Apple- Faster Pussycat Kill Kill(1965) Midnight Showing on Saturday Feb. 5th

If you have never seen Russ Meyer's mean girl classic Faster Pussycat!Kill!Kill!(1965) may I suggest heading over to Spectacle this Saturday to see exploitation at it's finest. Directors like Meyer are the ones who point grindhouse cinema on the map back in the 60's when all the burlesque theaters turned to movie houses. Russ Meyer was one of those prolific directors that helped the club owners realize there was more money to be made in seeing girls on film. Forever changing the landscape of both burlesque and adult cinema, at the same time reducing the star status of traveling dancers.

IMDB says - "Three strippers seeking thrills encounter a young couple in the desert. After dispatching the boyfriend, they take the girl hostage and begin scheming on a crippled old man living with his two sons in the desert, reputedly hiding a tidy sum of cash. They become houseguests of the old man and try and seduce the sons in an attempt to locate the money, not realizing that the old man has a few sinister intentions of his own."

If the idea of murderous strippers, racing, and Tura Satana peaks your interest, head into Brooklyn this Saturday night. You won't be disappointed.

Saturday February 5th at Midnight @ Spectacle 124 S. 3rd St., (at Bedford Ave.)Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Big Screen Big Apple- Salon Kitty(1976) Friday Feb. 4th at Midnight

Tinto Brass'"nazisploitation" classic (if you can call it that), Salon Kitty(1976) will be shown as Spectacle's midnight presentation this Friday. Following his world-renowned uber-porn epic Caligula, Brass crossed the line even further by touching upon this not-for-the-faint-of-heart exploitation genre.

As much as my curiosity for this film might kill my desire to leave it for others, I can't help but feel a little contempt and disgust for the genre known as "nazisploitation". Even though exploitation films are a large part of my routine, there is something about National Socialism that crosses the line for me. I guess that would mean that the filmmakers are actually doing their job.

IMDB says -"Kitty runs a brothel in Nazi Germany where the soldiers come to "relax". Recording devices have been installed in each room by a power hungry army official who plans to use the information to blackmail Hitler and gain power himself. A girl named Margherita discovers the little ploy and with Kitty's help plans to take on the dangerous task of exposing the conspiracy."

February 4th at Midnight @ Spectacle Theater 124 S. 3rd St.,(at Bedford Ave.)Williamsburg, Brooklyn

It's Always Casual With The Wild Life (1984)

Sometimes movies from the 80's go under my radar and I don't know how the fuck it happens. Especially when it's an 80's teen romp. Especially when it's written by Cameron Crowe, the genius behind Fast Times At Ridgemont High, which happens to be one of my favorite movies of all time. Whe I first discovered The Wild Life(1984) a few weeks ago, all I could I could do was feel confused and ask myself "how?". How did I miss a movie starring Christopher Penn, Eric Stoltz, and Lea Thompson? Regardless of how it happened, it was obvious that I needed to procure a copy ASAP. Typically I sit on new movies for at least a couple of days, but The Wild Life was in the DVD player immediately.

The Wild Life takes place somewhere in SoCal. Not surprising since Hollywood seemed to think American teens weren't cool unless they were in the LA Metro area. Eric Stoltz plays Bill Conrad, a recent graduate and bowling alley employee who is about to enter adulthood by moving into his own apartment. Unfortunately, Bill gets dicked out of an affordable apartment and is conned by the scumbag landlord into taking a place a bit out of his ball-shining price range. So bill takes on his coworker Tom, played by Chris Penn, as a roomie. Whereas Bill is pretty straight-laced and eager to jump into adult responsibility, Tom is pretty much the polar opposite. Tom likes to spend his time being as irresponsible as possible. If he's not smoking weed and getting kicked out of strip clubs, he's constantly harassing his girlfriend at work. Not exactly prime roommate material. If Bill is not stressing out about his apartment situation, he has to worry about his little brother, Jim, who is a bit of a weirdo. Not like a nerdy sort of weirdo either. Jim is more of the Columbine type. He has a shellshocked, junky vet(Randy Quaid) for a best friend and likes to glamorize 'Nam and act like a psychopath. Throw in an ex-girfriend(Lea Thompson)who maintains a worksex relationship with a sleazy cop and it looks like Bill's idea of adulthood might be a little to much for him.

As with most of these 80's comedy gems, sex and partying are supposed to play a major role throughout the movie. Unlike most movies of this genre and period, there is actually a considerable amount of character development, much like Fast Times. Unlike Fast Times, fun and character development was all of what The Wild Life had. Fast Times dealt with a fair amount of social issues, like abortion and teenage awkwardness to counter the "party time" atmosphere of fun. Wild Life was pretty much all fun. Some of the commentators on IMDB might think a lack of seriousness makes for a better movie, but i would have to disagree. If it wasn't for the character development, the Wild Life would be just another teen movie(sic). Because of this I would actually put it in a better place than a flick like Meatballs. If the movie actually dealt with social issues of the time as a plot point it would be more memorable like its writer's previous endeavor. I'm assuming Crowe was a bit rushed to write a script based on the success of Fast Times. If he had spent a little more time on serious plot points rather than boobs and beer, I probably never would have missed this movie growing up.

My critique may sound a bit negative, but I did enjoy The Wild Life. Chris Penn's Spicoli-like character was on point and Stoltz reminded me of an 80's Topher Grace, making a perfect straight man. Being a bit of an awkward loser in my formative teen year, I especially related to Jim Conrad, with the exception of the war fetish. If you crave something more out of your 80's boobfest, this is probably the movie for you. If not, there are plenty of Meatballs and Porky's rip-offs out there.

The Razzies 2011 Nominations and My Unneeded Input

Although I am a self-proclaimed movie geek, the times I have sat down and watched an actual awards ceremony are few and far between. It's not that I don't care that a movie industry icon gets awarded for a job well done or not, because there is a small part of me that does. It's that very same part of me that browses US Weekly while I'm sitting on the toilet. It's not really knowledge that I care to have, but it allows to drop some trashy science when the female-to-male quotient is high in the room. Otherwise,I would just be an asshole boyfriend who gawks at the computer monitor when guests are over, and that would never fly with the girl. So having the slightest bit of knowledge about Pauly D's sex life and whether it involves Chloe Sevigny helps out in the long run.

A couple of weeks ago I actually participated in the Golden Globes Guessing Game for the first time. Although I didn't pay to much attention to the Ceremony, I still put my votes in as requested. Out of the three people in the room, I think I scored the lowest. As disappointing as it sounds, it didn't bother me to much, if at all. Unless the game involved 8-bit action or Angry Birds, I really not that competitive. Besides, as stated before I really don't see modern blockbusters until it's to late. Why pend 13 bucks to go see a new movie when I can buy 4 to 6 kung-fu flicks at the grocery store for the same price. See where I'm coming from?

One awards ceremony that does slightly spark my interest is the Golden Raspberry Awards, known to most as the Razzies. Instead of recognizing the best that cinema has to offer, like the half dozen or so ceremonies I don't care about, the Razzies nominate the worst. Me being one who raises the flag high in the Asshole Parade(if such a thing existed), this is something I could easily get behind. Especially when the ridicule is well-deserved. Yesterday the nominations for this year's Razzies were announced. As I did with the Golden Globes, I'm going to take it upon my self to use my irrelevant little space on the internet to submit, to the world, my nominations for the worst of the worst.

The 2011 Golden Raspberry Nominations

Worst Picture

- The Bounty Hunter
- The Last Airbender
- Sex and the City 2
- Twilight Saga: Eclipse
- Vampires Suck
As much as I hate Old Horseface(Sarah Jessica Parker) and sparkly emo-vamps, my vote for worst picture goes to The Last Airbender. As a fan of the cartoon, I had positive expectations that M. Night Shitman might be able to translate the story of the Avatar into to something entertaining. Boy was I wrong! Guess what, Night? Style over substance is not always a good thing, especially when you haven't been able to execute it for close to a decade.

Worst Actor

- Jack Black, Gulliver's Travels
- Gerard Butler, The Bounty Hunter
- Ashton Kutcher, Killers and Valentine's Day
- Taylor Lautner, Twilight Saga: Eclipse and Valentine's Day
- Robert Pattinson, Remember Me and Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Soooo difficult! But since I've never given my money to anything involving Pattinson and still have a place in my heart for Black, I going to have to go with Ashton Kutcher. Why doesn't this guy just disappear? Seriously Ashton, you made your money in the sitcom world which is more than you ever should have been allowed. Could you just get lost in between Demi Moore's legs already?


Worst Actress

- Jennifer Aniston, The Bounty Hunter and The Switch
- Miley Cyrus, The Last Song
- The Four Gal Pals, Sex and the City 2
- Megan Fox, Jonah Hex
- Kristen Stewart, Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Miley Cyrus. Even if I didn't watch her shitty romcom, she is still the Rosemary's Baby of the entertainment industry. How can the child of Disney and Billy Ray Cyrus be anything less?


Worst Supporting Actor

- Billy Ray Cyrus, The Last Song
- George Lopez, Marmaduke, The Spy Next Door and Valentine's Day
- Dev Patel, The Last Airbender
- Jackson Rathbone, The Last Airbender and Twilight Saga: Eclipse
- Rob Schneider, Grown Ups
It's unfair that we live in a Universe where Phil Hartman dies and Rob Schneider lives. It's even more unfair that Schneider is still going to continue making movies despite public opinion.


Worst Supporting Actress

- Jessica Alba, The Killer Inside Me, Little Fockers, Machete and Valentine's Day
- Cher, Burlesque
- Liza Minnelli, Sex and the City 2
- Nicola Peltz, The Last Airbender
- Barbra Streisand, Little Fockers
Is Cher ever going to come to the realization that 60 year old women are not sexy, no matter how much plastic surgery they get?


Worst Eye-Gouging Mis-Use of 3-D

- Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore
- Clash of the Titans
- The Last Airbender
- Nutcracker 3-D
- Saw 3-D

I haven't seen any of these films in 3-D, so my vote is going to go to Saw 3-D based on principal. No torture porn franchise should have ever made it that far.

Worst Screen Couple/Ensemble

- Jennifer Aniston & Gerard Butler, The Bounty Hunter
- Josh Brolin's Face & Megan Fox's Accent, Jonah Hex
- The Entire Cast, The Last Airbender
- The Entire Cast, Sex and the City 2
- The Entire Cast, Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Twilight Saga. Do I really need to say why?


Worst Director

- The Expendables, Sylvester Stallone
- The Last Airbender, M. Night Shyamalan
- Sex and the City 2, Michael Patrick King
- Vampires Suck, Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer
Fuck you, M. Night! You have now made it onto my list of People I Hope To Run Into In A Dark Alley. Tom Cruise is still at the top but it could be you if you continue to direct.


Worst Screenplay

- The Last Airbender, M. Night Shyamalan
- Little Fockers, Michael Hamburg & Larry Stuckey
- Sex and the City 2, Michael Patrick King
- Twilight Saga: Eclipse, Melissa Rosenberg
- Vampires Suck, Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer
Yet some more Shyamalan hatred coming your way, blogospere!


Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel

- Clash of the Titans
- The Last Airbender
- Sex and the City 2
- Twilight Saga: Eclipse
- Vampires Suck
With the exception of Clash of the Titans, none of these movies should have been made. At this point, I am too drained of spirit to continue with my submissions, so it's going to have to remain a four-way tie. I can't even think about this shit anymore. Time to go decompress with something worth watching, which is anything at this point!