Bilitis(1977)

Directed by David Hamilton (Laura, les ombres de l'été(1979), Un été à Saint-Tropez(1983), Premiers désirs(1984))

Starring Patti D'Arbanville (Flesh(1968), Real Genius(1985)) and Bernard Giraudeau (Revolver(1973), The Gypsy(1975))

Coming of Age film or softcore pornography? To me, there is a definitive line, if not several levels separating the two genres. Coming Of Age films tackle topics of entering early adulthood. Topics like first kiss, first love, breaking out of ones shell, and all that other being a teenager happy horseshit are the standard subject matter. You might see the occasional booby shot or bathroom shower scene, but the nudity and sexual innuendo are typically pretty tame. Coming of Age movies are more driven by character development.

Softcore films, on the other hand, are less about the characters and more about the display of sexuality. Sure, many of these European films were character and/or story driven, but they had to be because hardcore sex on film wasn't yet socially acceptable throughout Europe(except possibly Sweden). I've also found that many of the 70's softies were directed and filmed with artistic vision. Focusing less on the sheer rawness of sexuality and more on the beauty of the female creature.

Strangely, to some, the two genres can be one in the same. Mixing both the drama of being a teenager and overdone sexuality, Bilitis(1977) is proof of this. Bilitis is the story of a young schoolgirl who has never known the kiss of a boy, but frequently fools around with her female classmate. In fact, it seems as if the whole private school she attends does. Not only do they all go on group skinny-dipping adventures, but they have teacher monitoring their activity. Kinda creepy and weird. Anyhoo, it's the end of the school year and Bili is spending her summer with a an unknown guardian who happens to be a family friend I'm guessing. Bili's guardian happens to be married to a scumbag, who happens to forcibly take his wife whenever he's not cheating on her. Bili, being the sensitive type, develops a deep hatred for the man, at the same time lusting after her much older "guardian". Things start to get a bit strange when scumbag takes a trip with his mistress, Leaving Bilitis a chance to act on her growing impulses.

I would like to pass the creepiness that is Bilitis off as just a "French" thing and me being 'Merican I couldn't possibly understand, but it's not that at all. David Hamilton, the director, although sought out as a visionary photographer, is well known for being quite a bit of a creep. If you check out the links at the top, you'll see what I mean. He may be an artist, but all his films have to do with teenagers and sex, and not like Porky's or American Pie. He really has a thing for schoolgirls between the ages of 14 and 16, who happen to have the hormonal drives of a sexual predator. I don't care how innovative the guy was by smearing vaseline on a camera lens, He obviously had some issues with attraction that aren't necessarily natural by modern standards, especially mine.

I'll admit that the photography was spot on and artistically pleasing as it was intended, although I wouldn't ever describe it as "visionary" or "cutting edge". The two lead actresses were also very nice on the eyes, and thankfully of age as actresses, so I was not offended by watching the two of them nakedly embrace and kiss each other. I am a straight man, after all. Other than a couple of beautiful filmed vanilla sex scenes and the creepiness of the direction, Bilitis had very little else to offer besides boredom, and lots of it. I won't be watching this again, or probably any other Hamilton production for that matter. Just plain creepy!!!!

Gator Bait(1974)

Hicksploitation isn't really my thing, but sometimes a trailer or poster catches your my eye and I have to do everything in my power to watch said film. Okay...using sometimes might be underplaying it a bit. This kind of thing happens to me all the time. If it wasn't for the catchy poster and DVD/VHS covers of my days trolling through the video stores, I probably ever would have rented half of the trashy garbage that has been burned onto my memory forever. I still do, although there are less trips to the video store and more time spent on social media. I just happen to use Facebook and the blogospere as my introduction to movies I should see. Gator Bait(1984) happened to be one of those movies I was inspired to see due to my time spent gawking at my Facebook wall. If I remember correctly, I might have Mike White(of Impossibly Funky fame) to thank for posting a picture of the poster art. This blog entry is for you, buddy.

Foxy swamp rat Desiree Thibodeau lives deep within the Louisiana Bayou, taking care of her younger sister and mute brother. Understand that the Thibodeau family are existing a couple of steps below the poverty line, as in minimal property ownership and no running water. I wouldn't be surprised if they had never seen a crisp dollar bill in all their life. So poor that Desiree spends her spare time poaching gator to feed her family. Keep in mind this film takes place during a time when hunting alligators had just recently been made illegal, so Desiree has no understanding of the crime that is being committed. For the most part the Local Authority doesn't really care, but it doesn't stop a couple of ignorant, young cops from harassing Desiree(mostly due to their rapey tendencies). After a wild goose chase via boats through the swamps, the young misogynists in uniform are able to catch up with our buck-skinned heroine, but things don't go as planned. Thankfully, Desiree's swampy cunning, and bag of poisonous snakes, are able to get of what could potentially be a deadly situation. Unfortunately, the sheriff's son isn't so good with the responsibility that comes from gun ownership, and instead of taking down his white-trash wonderwomen, he accidently damages his dad's boat and shoots his partner. Unable to take responsibility for his irresponsibility, Billy Boy heads back into town to let his dad, and the Bracken family, know but instead twisting the story around to place the blame on Desiree. These leads to the cops and Bracken's forming of a lynch mob, hellbent on the capture or death of our sweet, swampy princess. Desiree isn't found but her little sister and brother are. Though the original plan was supposed to be something of hostage situation, the younger men of the group can't get passed there rapey tendencies, which unfortunately leads to the violent death of Desiree's little sister. Thankfully her mute brother was able to escape. As with many of these cinematic sketches in souther culture, messin' with kin is the worst thing you can do. When Desiree learns of her sister's untimely demise, the sheriff and his posse better think again about who's bodies are actually going to be used for Gator Bait.

I actually felt that Gator Bait was more tame than I expected. Usually the exploitation movies of this era are chock full of nudity and violence to make up for the lack of a properly written storyline and poor dialogue. With Gator Bait the expected amount of nudity wasn't present, which is only a slight disappointment. The violence was there, but I think the most of the sexuality consisted of a couple boob shots and rape-like behavior. If you are interested in seeing a film that follows by the typical 70's exploitation standards, Gator Bait will possibly disappoint you. Even though the lead actress is a former playmate, she isn't playing an overly sexual character. With that being said, there were other elements to the film that I enjoyed like the filming location. I've lived in Florida before, and know for a fact that the swamp is no person's ideal location for a film shoot, especially for something so low budget. So not only did I feel for the production team, I also felt they did a really good job of capturing the beauty of the natural shooting location. I'm assuming that as expansive as they made they filming location appear, it was probably shot in a 10 acre area, because this is what usually happens. I was also a fan of the soundtrack, at least country music portion of it. I'm assuming the score was original, but I could be wrong due to my unfamiliarity. Shit happens.

If you aren't an exploitation snob, and don't my taking the 90 minutes out to watch a bad movie that's really fun, Gator Bait is good watch. It borders closer to the PG-13 side of exploitation, but it hardly ever get's boring.

The Doll Squad(1973)

Charlie's Angels, like much of the primetime program of the 70's, is a memory for me, but to a degree where I can't remember a single episode. Like the Incredible Hulk and Welcome Back, Kotter, I can remember watching the show religiously, but there is very little I remember about any single episode. I can remember the love I had for these shows, but haven't the foggiest why. Many times I've wanted to obtain all the shows I remember loving on DVD, but if I went and bought everything television program I thought was magical from the 70's, I would never have time for movies and modern programming. This, in part, would make this blog entirely useless, and we can't have that.

Recently I learned that the Father of Old Horseface, Aaron Spelling, was actually accused of being a premise thief by one Ted V. Mikels. You might remember Mikels as being the director of such golden Z-Grade classics as Astrozombies(1968) and The Corpse Grinders(1971). The Auteur of Trash Cinema claimed that Spelling stole idea for Charlie's Angels from a film he wrote and directed back in the early 70's called The Doll Squad(1973). Naturally, after hearing this, I felt this would be a perfect film for me to substitute my desire to one day watch the Charlie's Angel's series in full.

As one who has a pretty in-depth knowledge of exploitation cinema of the 70's, it is really hard for me to believe that The Doll Squad was the soul inspiration for Charlie's Angels. Sixties and Seventies grindhouse/drive-in culture is littered with James Bond/Mod Squad exploitation rip-offs that were less about cool gadgets and more about cashing in on sexual innuendo and showing as much skin as possible(The Girl From S.I.N. being one of the first that comes to mind). I don't feel that Mikel was doing anything original with this idea, besides working his aging "cash cow"(albeit fare from being a cow), Tura Satana, into another craptacular trash film. I have no problem with this either. Any early movie with Tura Satana moonlighting as a burlesque dancer, pasties and all, is always going to be worth the watch. At this point she was in her mid-thirties and really was approaching the end of her "base emotion" sexy.

I am assuming that most of you reading this review know the stipulation behind these types of movies and shows. If you don't, IMDB has a great description, no matter how brief - "An elite army of female assassins...in a race against time and death to save the world from a hideously diabolical mass destruction at the hands of a madman no one had ever seen!"...now doesn't that make you want to run out and buy a copy ASAP?

No?

Despite what can be misconstrued as a lack of enthusiasm for The Doll Squad, there were elements that brought me joy in watching it, besides Tura Satana. For one, the action sequences were steps-above-decent and completely supported by a non-stop funky soundtrack. Based on the fashion and hair-style, I was assuming more of a go-go soundtrack, but instead got surprised with "wanka-wanka" bass grooves and bongo drums. Good thing Mikel had an decent understanding of popular music at this juncture. As I just said, the action sequences were just how I like them....over the fuckin' top. There wasn't a gunfire in the flick the wasn't accompanied by liberal usage of blood pellets, and there was more than enough gunfire. Sure, the Japanese cinema of this time were steps ahead in the gore department, but I wasn't expecting a movie as great as Lady Snowblood. It was enough to keep my eyes open and on the screen.

I enjoyed The Doll Squad and would have no problem watching over and over again, as long as I had crew and the drinks were flowing like a waterfall. This would be the perfect background movie for a loud-as-fuck dive bar, and I'm sure it exists in several bar collections, especially here in NYC. If you are more interested in viewing it on based on it's history in the era of exploitation or supposed inspiration for a certain popular 70's show, it's also going to be a fun watch if you chose to see it solo, sober, or both.