Massacre at Central High(1976)

A vengeful psychotic or a high school punching bag’s wet dream? Despite how dastardly an act a slaughtering of fellow students is, we must always remember there are two sides to every story. Many of us have been in the position of the abused, and have, at one point or another, thought those very same things. Thankfully, many of us won’t carry out those type of thoughts. That’s what movies are for. Especially badly-acted, 42^nd st classics like Massacre at Central High. Who needs to get 25 to Life when you can watch uber-bullies get the shaft on the big screen. Well, in my case, a 24-inch television.

David is the new kid in town. He likes to run on the beach and oogle his best friend’s girl. He is also surprisingly violent, especially towards the group of thugs who run the school like Abu Ghraib. After spoiling an attempted gang rape, and beating the Jr. Hitler Society senseless, David is viewed in a more positive light by the weakerthans who make up the majority of central High’s student body. Although there appears to be a new sherriff in town, Das Bullies aren’t gonna hand over the championship belt that easily. After David receives a damaging visit from the former kings, things take a nasty turn. See, David likes to run, and it’s hard to run when your leg has been crushed by a classic American car. Since David can’t run anymore, he is going to have to find another hobby. Guess what that is?

After a few deaths that come in the form of unfortunate accidents, it would seem that Central High is bully-free and a much happier place. That doesn’t keep for very long. Apparently nerds need discipline and guidance, or things get out of line. Instead of one, now several factions want control of the school, and they all think david is the guy to help them acheive there goals. But he doesn’t quite see eye-to-eye with the nerds-turned-powermongers, and things start to get ugly again.

I love underdog films, and it makes it that much better when there is over-the-top violence involved. I also love grindhouse films from the 70’s. As bad as the acting was, and as ludicrous the situations were, I still enjoyed myself. Completely unrealistic, but that is one of the things that makes it entertaining. Seriously, are 3 guys really going to make that much of an impact on a standard sized high school? Why does the student lounge look like a Victorian reading room? How the fuck does Robert Carradine’s (of revenge of the Nerds fame) character end up in a tented threesome with 2 hotties? Completely unrealistic I tell you.

Despite it being grindhouse, the movie actually did the trailer justice, which is usually not the case. It has naked girls, explosions, and a hang glider accident. Seriously, what else do you need a Wednesday night by yourself with some Yuengling bombers. It made a great evening. The film even has the overplayed wear-and-tear, and that by itself is something to write home about. I recommend Massacre for those fans of the sticky theater classics.