Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Corey Haim-Me, Myself, and I (1989)

( I know it's been over a week, but I can excuse this by the fact that I spent a rather long weekend in New England. I really have no excuse for the last couple of days, but who cares, it's my blog.)

Like most NYC residents who depend on public transportation to live there lives, I have an ipod. and being a cinemaphile, I tend to keep movies on my 80g classic, especially for those long, slightly sketchy Fung Wah rides I take every couple of months to Boston. I decided to start this latest trip off with a real winner, Corey Haim-Me,Myself, and I.

If you don't know anything about this hilarious piece of dogshit, let me give you a little history. Anybody that grew up in the 80's knows of the trials and tribulations of the two Corey's, Haim and Feldman. Not only did these assholes grace the cover of all the teenybopper, bean-flick trash mags like Tiger Beat, they also became quite notorious with the gossip rags. Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Former child stars have drug problems!

Who would have fuckin' guessed that? Didn't we learn anything from Danny Bonaducci? And who the fuck really cared? I didn't. i was too busy skateboarding and listening to Suicidal Tendencies while America cried and prayed for the lives of Hollywood's favorite fucksticks. But never fear, folks, the Corey's eventually got clean. The fat and flat-chested could finally breath a sigh of relief. Although, the world still wants to know, "what is Corey going to do without the drugs to make his hectic life happier?"

Me, myself, and i answers that very question. Corey put at this self-promotional short to let all his fans know he was doing better than okay, he was active along with sober. We get to watch Corey ice skate! Watch Corey skateboard! Watch Corey loung in the pool! Watch Corey butcher the english language and any chance he has of a Hollywood career. If there were ever an instructional video for "How to be a fucking tool", it would probably look pretty close to this.

I spent most of the movie looking away in embarrassment, but overall I found this 30 minute shit-piece slightly entertaining. One of the most hysterical moments is listening to Corey have a "romantic" thought and talk about how kissing makes him feel. Way to fuel the crotch-fire's for many a fat girls midnight fantasies! Thank the forces-that-be that you sank your own ship, fucklips.
I'm going to leave you with Corey, relaxing at home, telling the fans about the importance of staying positive and away from drugs. It's not hard to tell that he is clearly on drugs while relaying this important information to his quickly dwindling audience. What a dumbass.

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